My stepmother plans to ruin me…

Dear Agatha,

Please help me as I have gotten to a point in my life I can no longer cope with my situation. I am 18 years of age, the first of my mother’s three children.  She died while having the last of us seven years ago. My father’s mother took care of us until my father got married to another woman and she had to leave for the village due to constant quarrels between the new woman and herself.

It got to a head when she openly fought my grandmother when my father travelled. It was that day my grandmother left for the village leaving us at the mercy of the woman. When my father came and demanded to know what happened, I told him what I witnessed. My story was different from what she told my father. She told my father that my grandmother was the one who attacked her and that she only reacted in self-defence.

From that day on her hatred for my siblings and I doubled. She used every little opportunity to maltreat us so much so it became very difficult for us to concentrate in school. One day, my mother’s sister came unannounced. She witnessed what we were going through and insisted on taking all three of us with her. 

My father wasn’t going to allow her take any of us but when my maternal family rose in unison, my father had no choice but to let go of the baby and my immediate brother. He pleaded with them to allow him keep me that he would ensure I didn’t lack anything. 

True to his words, I don’t lack anything in terms of payment of my fees and feeding but my stepmother is the thorn in my flesh. If she isn’t insulting me, she is hauling insults at the memory of my dead mother. She blames me for her inability to have a child for my father and because of that has vowed to deal with me.  I now see her every night in my dream running after me. The last one was particularly terrifying but my mother was there to protect me from her. But she warned me to leave the house that she is planning on killing me.

One of the reasons my father didn’t allow my mother’s people take me in the first instance is the fact that I am my mother’s mirror image. I don’t know what to do. Besides, his wife seems to have done something to him because he doesn’t see what others see about her. He doesn’t think she is evil as everyone says. This is the reason for my letter to you. I have just finished my senior secondary school and hoping to write Unified Joint Admission Matriculation Examination next year. I delayed in my education because of the emotional trauma at home.

I am scared! I don’t know how to handle this situation at all.

Concerned Girl. 

Dear Concerned Girl,

Don’t be, because God is on your side. The Holy Spirit took the image of your mother to help you understand your situation better as well as warn you on the need to be careful. That dream underscores the presence of the Holy Spirit all around you, which would make it difficult for your stepmother or anyone for that matter to hurt you.

It would also help give your father a better understanding of issues happening around him. Rather exhibit fear for this woman, fight her on your knees with prayers. Hand her over to God who created her and has all the powers in the world to do and undo. 

Don’t help yourself by being rude to her. It isn’t worth it and would only be complicating things for you spiritually because God will leave the battle for you to fight. Continue to be of respect to her, no matter how difficult it appears. Don’t ever be tempted to pay her evil for evil. Whatever she is doing is out of fear of uncertainty and desire to also protect her territory. Even if she is inherently wicked, still hand her over to God.The best way to deal with her and your situation is to see it all as a lesson on self-perseverance and total submission to the will of God. If she has been unable to kill you all these years that she has been your stepmother, there is nothing she can do now. God allowed your maternal family take away the other two children because they lack the kind of spiritual gift you have, which is why God had to take them from their father’s house until He deems it fit for them to come back but you He has given the authority to overcome. By this time next year, God willing, you would be in school, away from her. Since your father is not likely to listen to you or let you go, keep praying for him at all times that whatever she has done to him would not cut short his life and that God will rescue him from whatever spiritual control she has over him. Don’t forget this woman is his wife and in some ways has some control over him. Whatever her faults maybe, that is her house, one day you would leave to begin your home. 

Chances are your father may not be under any spiritual influence but may have decided to look the other way to prevent him developing blood pressures and for you not to see his regrets. Don’t forget this woman came into his life as a result of the death of your mother. Anytime she misbehaves he is bound to feel regrets deep inside his soul at the death of your mother. If she had been alive he wouldn’t have encountered this woman would always be his thoughts. 

Keeping quiet about her mistakes is the only way he can manage without breaking down his everlasting pains. 

Just continue to pray for him and your siblings.

Good luck.