Must man sample many girls before marriage?

Dear Agatha,

I really appreciate your Biblically imbued marital advice to people.   I am a 23-year-old graduate of accountancy. During my school days I never dated any lady; to be candid I tried as much as possible to avoid women and always prayed to God to see me through. My friends called me names, some said am frigid just because I refused to go out with any girl.

During my graduation, some ladies pursued me wanting to embrace me but I ran as far as my leg could. My friends said that my lifestyle is old fashioned. I believe that when the time for marriage comes, God will give me a wife endowed with all the qualities I desire in a woman. My friends said one needed to practise to be perfect. They called me all sorts of names. Even the ladies are mocking me because of my attitude towards them and I am fast bowing to peers’ pressure. My question is do I really need to date as many ladies as possible before marriage? The truth is that I try as much as possible to avoid women because I am extremely emotional and I believe that when the time for marriage comes, God will bless me with my dream wife. But my friends told me I am utopian. Please I need your advice.                 

Chuks.

Dear Chuks, 

No you are not idealistic; the truth is that because some people have gotten used to doing things in a particular way, they have come to think it is the norm. 

Don’t allow anybody pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do or which your conscience cannot condone. Date only when you are ready to and not because your friends have drawn up a timetable for yourself. What is important at the end of the day is the seriousness and determination you bring into the relationship you eventually want to go into. 

Use this time to plan for your future, dream of what kind of life you want for yourself and family when the time comes.

This plan of action would enable you visualise the kind of woman that would help you nurture your dream into maturity. This is the greatest legacy you can give yourself; ensure that when you are ready, you have a clear idea of what kind of woman you need in life. A lot of times, people jump into relationships without having plans at all for the relationship. This is why a lot of them run into troubled waters and unable to recover from the disappointments of their misadventure. 

If you ask a lot of these friends who have had series of girls in their lives what plans they have beyond the immediate need of satisfying their emotional needs, they would tell you none.

 Relationship is more important than a lot of us think. It is more than a boy meets a girl thing; it is even more important than education in the sense that it is something inevitable unless of course sworn to celibacy.

What you are doing is preparing for it; taking your time to ensure you don’t make the costly mistakes some of your friends had made or are making. 

By waiting, you are learning the importance of self-control, entrenching the principle of faithfulness in a relationship even before you commence any with a woman. The values you have been able to embed now are the ones that will stay with you and help you in more ways than you know to build your home. 

Relationship works on what we have inside and not what we have on the outside. Learn to be introspective at all times; it is the only way to show your friends that your waiting isn’t in vain. Look out for a woman who is beautiful on the inside, one who has the capacity and ability to interpret and carry your dreams to reality. Because you have waited for this long, it won’t be difficult for you to have the necessary patience to grow and consolidate your relationship before introducing sex which for most part of the time, blind couple to the defect in the union until it is too late. 

One of the clear disadvantages of multiple relationships is the confusion it engenders in the minds of those who engage in it. So often, perplexity of the right choice among the many women a particular man one has dated has led to the future problem of wrong choice and incompatible partner. 

Once you and the woman you end up marrying are able to establish friendship, are truthful to each other and are respectful of the other person’s position as well as give it all to God when issues arise in your relationship, you will have a very happy union. 

Above all, learn to play your game according to your own rules and not ones given you by anybody. There is nothing old fashioned about your decision rather you are applying age long wisdom in a world governed by fast solutions which in majority of cases leave wreckages in their trail.

Good luck.