Before condoms in her bag knock me off…

Dear Agatha, 

I have been dating my girlfriend for close to four years. We are very close and have plans to marry her because she has the qualities I admire in a woman. But for Sanusi’s banking revolution we would have gotten married in June this year.

However, we are still planning for January next year. But something happened of recent that is making me reconsider my stance. Although she had tried explaining the incident but I am not convinced at all. Three weeks ago, she wasn’t by her bag when her phone kept ringing. She was in the bathroom so I decided to take the phone to her since the caller appeared desperate to talk to her. 

In the process of removing the phone from her bag, an opened packed of condoms fell from it. I initially didn’t notice it in my haste to give her the phone but when I came back to the room to pick the item that fell from her back, I was shocked to see it was a packet of condom. Since meeting her, I have never used a condom with her and don’t have any in my house.  Two sachets were missing from the packet. I decided not to read too much meaning into it until she came out of the bedroom.

I could sense fear in her the moment she saw what I was holding in my hands. She tried to bluff her way through it by asking what I was doing with a packet of condom but seeing the look on my face, she quickly changed her strategy and began to haltingly explain how she came about it. 

From her explanations, the only thing that I could grab was the fact that it belonged to her friend; that the said friend whose face I haven’t come across in my four years with her forgot it in her bag. 

When I demanded to know how her friend forget such incriminating thing in her hands, she said it was in the process of their discussions and that the two sachets that are missing was taken out by them when they were having funny discussions women usually have about men.

Ordinarily, knowing how witty she is and having listened to some of the things she and the friends I know say about men, I can imagine the things they can say when they are all alone. She and some of her friends are capable of saying anything about just anything. That I can handle because it is one of the things I cherish about her. 

But why I doubt her is identity of this so-called friend. I have never met her and I can say categorically that I have met most of her friends. This is what worries me. The identity of this friend! Although I tried to discreetly ask the friends I know with her if they can recognise the name of this friend, her two very good friends claim she is one of them and that she resides in South Africa, hence her absence from their scene. 

I am trying very much to believe them but you know how friends are, always in the habit of covering up for each other. I am very disturbed about it all. I haven’t discussed this with anybody for fear of making a fool of myself. 

I deflowered her and up till this moment, trust her. But Agatha, I don’t know what to believe: her words or the evidence in my hands. I love her so much. Please help me!

Ademola.

Dear Ademola, 

It is quite dicey but you just have to go by what you already know of her. Sometimes not all the evidences we think we have are real. In some cases they can really be wrong and misleading. If one is not careful and of a discerning mind, a lot of things would have missed target before one realises where the mistake is coming from.  To help you out of this, go back in time to what you know of her. Has she ever given you reason to doubt her; think she could be involved with another man? Do you think if she is that she would place such evidence in her bag, a place she knows you have access to anytime?

Women who cheat are not that careless. They are too smart to be caught; however, to convince yourself that you are not being taken for a ride, insist on speaking first with this friend. Without prior warning, ask her to dial the number of this friend of hers that you want to speak with her. Her reactions to this simple request would give you clearer picture into the game she is playing. If her story is true, she won’t hesitate to allow you speak with this friend and tell her what the packet of condoms she left with her is causing in her relationship. 

I sense a fear deep inside of you, the fear of not wanting her to know that you are capable of feeling insecure. It is your right to feel insecure when confronted with issues in your relationship that you don’t understand. It doesn’t make you less of a man but more of a human who can feel what every person who is in love feels.  Let her know how that incident affected you as well as its likely consequences on your relationship. She has to understand the breach of trust that incident has caused to happen in your relationship. Once you are able to ascertain that the friend is real, forget about the incident. Love has a way of healing every wound in a relationship. 

But if she still hesitates to allow you meet or speak with her, know there is more to the story than she is telling you. At that point, demand for honest explanations from her, insisting it would be best she tells you the truth no matter how much it would hurt you than for you to find out later; that by then it would be impossible for you to consider any plea. After this you can take a decision on what is best for you. However, entrust everything to God and allow His will be done. 

Good luck.