His girlfriends are everywhere I turn

Dear Agatha, 

I am in so much pains and emotional distress. 

My marriage is almost 16 years of age, blessed with three children, two boys and a girl. 

On the surface, I am a lucky woman because I married to a rich and handsome man. 

To so many people who don’t know, I have a home worth dying for and a husband who is every woman’s dream man!

Unfortunately, this is the crux of my problem in this marriage, all the things he promised not to do before we got married are the same things he is doing.

Everywhere I turn to, he has a girlfriend. He is reckless and careless; he doesn’t seem able to control his urges even though I have never attempted to deny him of my body. Even when I am not in the mood, I still oblige him if he wants me, all to stop him from straying but it seems there is no end to this emotional turmoil. 

The funny thing is that the ladies are so bold and daring. 

A lot of them don’t even bother to conceal the fact from me that they are dating my husband. 

In the beginning I tried to ignore them but now I am getting increasingly impatient with him and his women. 

There is this particular one who is so bold that she out-sits me whenever she comes around. 

She ensures I leave her behind in his office. 

It is so bad that my friends are urging me to fight back; that I have given my husband too much freedom to misbehave. 

I am not the violent type but this lady is pushing me to the edge of it. 

His and my family members are aware of his behaviour but they have all kept urging me to ignore him since he is a good father and caring husband. 

He ensures I lack nothing but how can I be happy with him when he takes joy in sleeping around with anything that is in skirt?

I am so confused and hurt; I don’t know if I can cope again. 

I want to end this marriage and need you to tell me how to go about it. 

My pastor says adultery is one of the two grounds a marriage can be dissolved in the Bible. 

I have had enough.

Bitter Wife.

Dear Bitter Wife, 

I understand more than you know the challenges of your situation. 

Honestly, quitting would be one of your worst mistakes. 

You will only be helping one of these women realise her dream of sending you out of a home you have toiled to keep for 16 years. 

That man, whether he is perfect or not, faithful or not, is your husband and would remain so until death do you part. 

This is the message you should always broadcast through your disposition to all these women who flock around him. 
The best way to cope with a man like him is to ignore the obvious. 

Count it as something of no significance to you whatsoever. 

This way, you will avoid unnecessary anxiety over his behaviour and put hypertension at bay. 

You cannot afford to be sick or depressed because what you are experiencing isn’t different from what a lot of women are going through in their homes. 

The truth is a lot of the marriages you think are succeeding are also battling one kind of problem or the other. 
You will be surprised to know that compared to what some women are going through, yours is a child’s play. 

At least your husband is going after women and not men like him. 

In every situation we find ourselves in life, God says we should always learn to give him all the glory because there is always a worst situation. 

Nobody can ever have it all. 

In every relationship and marriage there is always loss and gain. 

The strength of every marriage is the measure of willpower put into it. 

I can only subscribe to a divorce when the marriage is very violent and one of the lives is under threat. 

Only the living stays married but in your case, it isn’t. 

Although the Bible gives you permission to divorce once adultery has been established, but can you cope eventually with the loneliness and condemnation that come with the decision? 

A time would always come in your life when you want to try it again; by then a lot of people who cannot cope with a tiny measure of what you coped with, who don’t know you or have an idea of what transpired in your life, would become judges in your life, some using their positions to interpret and decide on your happiness with another person. 

Marriage is more of a wisdom thing as well as having a personal relationship with God.

To avoid making mistake in this marriage of yours, urgently establish a personal relationship with God. Don’t entrust your life into the hands of another person, created by God. 

You also have the same right as any pastor to go into His presence. 

Our God isn’t one to cause confusion and He has a personal way of dealing with each of us. 

What He condemns in one, He gives another the grace to overcome. This is why you must give your marriage only to Him. 

He can change your husband if He wants to. Rather than look at the problem, look at the lessons He wants you to take away from this. It is only when you talk to Him personally that you will get directive on how He wants you to proceed in all things.

For you to appreciate him and your marriage, go back to the drawing board. Perish from your mind any fantasies you brought into it. By now you must have known what is real and what isn’t practicable. One of those things that isn’t real about your marriage and a majority of marriages is the notion that you will always be the only woman in his life. Frankly, any woman who bases the happiness of her marriage on this is building herself up for pains and disappointments.

Even European women are getting wise on the ways of men and are subsequently learning to ignore some of the issues they took very serious before.

In addition to praying for Him, learn to limit yourself to the home; avoid going to his office; this way, you would be avoiding a lot of the emotional pains you suffer as well as the embarrassment of meeting his numerous fans. 

Whatever you have to discuss with him, if it can’t wait, call him on the phone. If you are not working, best you get busy with something. You could get a shop. If you have an existing one, think of opening another woman, something to get you very busy. 

You could also immerse yourself in a charity work either in the Church or in your immediate environment. 

There is always something begging for attention around our neighborhood or society. 

By the time you finish up, you will be too tired to think of his other women. 

Your only concern would be caring for him and the children. Gradually, you will forget all these women just as he would over time also get exhausted from expending himself needlessly with anything in skirt. 

Above all, do not ever be tempted to fight any of these women. 

Your strength, as a woman is in your bent praying knees.

Good luck.