She can’t pass for my wife…

Dear Agatha,

I urgently need your suggestion over this case I am battling with. I have had this female friend since I was in the higher institution. She and I make a very good team in terms of contribution, initiative and knowledge on issues.  We also work together, a situation that is really making the connection between us strong. 

For me it is purely platonic and thought it was for her until recently when I noticed she is having divided attention, a development I am not comfortable with. She is beginning to see me as her boyfriend, a situation I am not comfortable with because she doesn’t measure up to the height of the woman of my dreams. To compound my situation, my friends are also beginning to think along that line. 

How do you think I should handle this situation?

Worried Friend.

Dear Worried Friend, 

By putting the records very straight before things degenerate between both of you, to delay is to risk destruction of your friendship. Already, she has started to build dreams around you, planning a future you obviously do not want to be part of as well as the number of children you would both have.

This is very dangerous and unhealthy for the working relationship between the two of you. Therefore call her as the friend that both of you have become to explain your discomfort to her. She has to understand that beyond what you both share officially there is not going to be any romance between the two of you. 

Let her know that if she refuses, it could ruin your chances of having the perfect working relationship. 

Thereafter, do a gradual withdrawal from her. Chances are she thinks you are available because she hasn’t seen you with another woman and naturally assumes this is because of her.

From time to time, even if you are not in a relationship, allow one or two of your female friends to come to visit you at the office. Their presence will help communicate more than words that you are not her exclusive property.

It will also help serve her the notice that she too should begin to look elsewhere for happiness. 

You could also play matchmaking with a male friend of yours. Invite this colleague of yours in company of this male friend as well as another female on a social outing. Doing all these would help preserve the good relationship you both have while at the same time communicating your unavailability to her. 

Ensure also that you spell everything out to your friends to ensure you don’t get pushed into something you don’t want to. The moment she gets a sympathetic nod from your friends, it might be difficult for you to detangle yourself from the web of love and conspiracy by this woman and your friends.  

For your own sake and happiness too, do reduce the time you spend with her. Make time out to be on your own with your friends if you are very sure she isn’t the right kind of woman for you. Your being with her always could also affect your own chances too of getting a woman to sustain interest in you. 

And one of the reasons you must take a step urgently has to do with the nature of a woman in love. If this lady is really nursing feelings for you as you think she is it could spell doom for you later. If she is the kind of woman whose actions is governed by jealousy, she might not allow you the freedom to love another woman as she would go to any lady you approach for a relationship to stay off you.

The fact that the two of you are always together is enough evidence to make the other woman believe whatever she says concerning the nature of her relationship with you. If the friends who could have vouched for you are assuming that you are indeed dating this girl, it would be pretty difficult getting a total stranger to trust in you. 

So make haste to clean up your act before it gets the best of you.

Good luck.