We met once when he visited Nigeria…

Dear Agatha, 

Thanks for the positive impact you are making on the lives of so many people. I am a graduate and have fallen in love with this man for two years now. Although we have been friends for a year before we started dating. Everything went well until he travelled abroad last year.

Before he left, he asked if I wanted to be the mother of his children, I accepted.

Agatha, do you know he came back to the country in June to tell me he didn’t make arrangement for me to meet him at the airport as planned. I only saw him once before he went back to his base in London and even until now, he hasn’t bothered to call.   

What do I do? He has never told me how he feels about me. Because of him, I have lost so many suitors while waiting for him to make concrete his plans. But I still love him.

Dera. 

Dear Dera, 

What was the agreement between both of you when you started out? Did you two ever discussed marriage beyond the question of whether you would like to be mother to this children came up? Did he ever categorically promise you marriage to make you turn down other suitors? 

Before he travelled out what conclusions did you two arrive at? If there was nothing concrete, you are wrong to attribute more than there really is to the relationship. 

To be frank, if you lose your opportunities, it won’t be because this man promised you anything but due to your own insistence to marry him at all cost. On what premise are you waiting for him if he has never as much discussed how he feels about you? Isn’t that where a relationship should start? 

Your love may not be enough to sustain or set this relationship into motion. Unless both of you come to an agreement, there is nothing you can do to get him interested in you as you obviously are with him. 

Your position is weakened by the distance of space between the two of you. Had both of you resided in the same town, it would have been easier for you to get in touch with him to explain his position clearly to you. Even though you can still do that, it wouldn’t solve the problem of trust and intent plaguing your relationship. 

Asking you if you would be mother to his children isn’t a marriage proposal at all. It is a mere question intended to make you happy.

You could call him if you have his number, but it would be in your interest to consider what these other men have to offer. If you find that any of them fits your image of the right man, give him a chance to make you happy. A man who doesn’t show any eagerness to see you after a long while of being away can’t be more obvious in his valuation of your place in his life. If his heart were with you, he would have made you his number one reason for coming to town. To have left for his base without telling you or even calling you after speaks volume of his feelings towards you.

Good luck