I am a Ghanaian and have been reading most of your works on the nigeriaworld.com site, and I must say it’s a great deal of insight God has given you. God bless you more. Agatha, I have been in relationship with this girl for the past one year and two months, and I must say that it has been great until last month when we started having little squabbles over trivial issues. I have realised my woman to be quick tempered, gets angry over issues of no importance.
I am in the habit of calling her most of the time and for reasons of official responsibilities, I am unable to call her, she becomes very furious and very unmindful of how mean she can get when she is in this mood. In that kind of mood, she has severally threatened to end the relationship, and would in fact remain inaccessible for days. Agatha, I love this lady so much that we have plans to get married. How will married life be with this attitude? How do I make her stop going into hiding for days when we have a disagreement?
I do need your advice.
Worried Man.
Dear Worried Man,
Thank God you are not in the dark regarding the character of the woman you intend spending the rest of your life with. At least she is honest enough not to hide her true nature from you. The choice is now yours: would you be able to cope with her kind of person or not? If she has been good all these while until a month ago, then what do you think could be the issue? Has she been complaining about anything in particular all these while, perhaps your attitude or character? More often than not, people close to us take their attitude from our reactions to issues concerning them. If this is a recent development, you should begin the search from your end. Have you demonstrated the kind of concern expected from someone who claims to love her? If she has consistently complained about an issue, take your cue from there. Ask her when she is happy, and most likely to listen to you why you are both having these little issues between the two of you. Be careful not to make her feel like she is the reason for the problem in the relationship. Even if deep down, you think she is more of the problem, present it as a joint one. This way, you give her the opportunity of opening up and telling it as it is. Allow her to bare her mind completely because that is the only way you can get an idea of why she keeps behaving this way and know too how to help her beat the habit.
After she has spoken, also tell her your worry about her behaviour and how much it is beginning to affect the dream you both have of sharing your lives together. Don’t pretend at this point; let her know you are really apprehensive of the future of the relationship, and that you are in fact at the point of reconsidering your stance over the relationship. Because she is the one dishing out the menu, she may not know how much hurt she is serving you unless you draw her attention to it. In situation like this, give her time to change after the discussion. Furthermore, don’t delude yourself that she would completely change, it doesn’t happen that way. She would only make the effort but you have to make up your mind on the percentage of sacrifice you think you can make for peace in this relationship.
Every relationship has its measure of sacrifices to make it work. Her temper is something you can control by ignoring her. No woman likes to be ignored or treated as inconsequential. Each time her temper rises, walk away from her, refusing to sit around her to listen to whatever she has to say. If you are not around her, you won’t have to hear what she has to say. By the time her temper blows away gently, but firmly tell her the damage her temper is causing the relationship and how if she fails to control it, it might make you walk away from her finally despite the love you have for her. There is always a stage of building and consolidation in every relationship. You are both in the stage of constructing your relationship in the way you would both benefit from it. Good luck.
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