Dear Agatha,
May God reward you for your life-changing column. You are indeed changing lives in many homes as well as helping singles make better choices.
Agatha, there is this man who happens to be my boss in the office. He actually helped me secure the job without demanding for anything. But after a month, he called me into his office and told me why he brought me to work with him.
He told me he brought me to wipe away his tears.
Baffled, I asked him what he meant, it was then he told me of the ladies he previously planned to marry and how both of them died mysteriously. The first one, he said was actually poisoned. With two fiancées dead, he became wary of offering any other lady a proposal of marriage. He said he actually considered running to a place where nobody, including members of his family would be able to locate him.
Unfortunately, the plan didn’t work out. His parents out of concern brought him a lady to marry. He told me he married her despite not being in love with her. According to him, he did it to please his parents.
His conclusions about me being the one to make him happy derives from me being the image of his first love.
Sometimes he would give me to buy anything that I need. He even went as far as renting an apartment for me, an offer I rejected.
As a matter of fact, he has done so many things to lure me into submitting to his desires for me.
Recently, I told him I would be getting married very soon but he insisted he would not give up until the day my man completes all formal marriage rites on me. I have told my fiancé about him and his demands. ,
Please what should I do? Should I resign my appointment from the ministry to have peace of mind? Please, I am confused.
Faith.
Dear Faith,
Stop receiving money or any other form of gift from him. Even though you have told your man about him, if you continue to receive gifts or other assistance from him, you are compromising yourself.
It would also not make your refusal of his request sound genuine. This is why he insists he would never stop making these demands of you until your man finishes performing all marital rites on you.
Your receipt of these gifts keeps his hope alive that you might change your mind about him. Whereas, if from the very beginning you refused to take anything from him, he would have since got the message that you are serious about not wanting to have anything to do with him.
There is no way any man would take a woman who continues to receive monetary gifts from him seriously about her refusal not to date him. It is pointless to continue to court a situation you don’t want to be part of.
That you have told your man doesn’t make it right for you to keep receiving his gifts. This would only compromise you and invariably cause problems between you and your husband-to-be. No matter how well he trusts you, your continuous acceptance of gifts from your boss would eventually make him wonder if you are telling him the whole truth.
Even though he helped you into the ministry, he doesn’t own it. You have as much right to work in public-funded establishment as he has. What you can do is to ask for a transfer from that ministry. Besides, he hasn’t employed any dirty measure to compel you to resign your appointment. To resign is to give him the satisfaction that he has won the battle. Besides, you simply have to learn to overcome developments like this. Men would continue to signify attention on any female they find attractive. Some would even try to blackmail you into sleeping with them. You should as a woman learn to develop the skill to resist and defend yourself without giving an inch to the man. This is necessary for your survival as a career woman.
Asking for a transfer is simply to give you the room to develop your career without the distraction he presents to you. It doesn’t mean you would be protected from similar demands by your new boss or that your marital status would prevent men from approaching you for friendship.
As an interim measure, introduce your fiancé to him, who in turn should appreciate him for helping you secure a job. The constant presence of your fiancé would help lessen the time he has to pressurise you.
As a friend who helped you, stand in gap for him always. From all he told you it is obvious he has some spiritual problems for which he is oblivious. Standing in gap for him would not only help him overcome these problems but would also help point him at the direction to look at.
You can also visit www.auntieagatha.blogspot.com or write agatha.edo@gmail.com
Good luck.
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