She’s back begging when her born-again fails…

Dear Agatha,

I am a regular reader of your column. Thanks for the wonderful work you are doing.  

There is this lady I met about five months ago; we became very close and even commenced a relationship. To solidify our relationship, we became intimate. 

Not quite long after we became close, she told me she wasn’t interested in having me as her lover anymore because she has become born-again. Naturally, I was annoyed at the development, but still respected her feelings and decision. 

But before this development some of her friends have cautioned me not to take her too serious because of her notorious lifestyle. Then I didn’t take them too serious but after she came up with this excuse, I began to think her friends were right. 

This was amplified by her dramatic u-turn. Some few days after she told me she wasn’t interested in me, she went to my friends to come and plead on her behalf that she didn’t really mean what she told me. She told them she wanted me to take her back into my life. 

Unfortunately for her, I have taken the decision not to. What do you think?

GD.

Dear GD, 

My thoughts are irrelevant since you have made up your mind not to take her back. 

However, it might be necessary for you to see her to know personally why she came up with such a story. Something must have informed her decision to say and do what she did.Her answer may help you improve on any other relationship you may decide to go into. Simply because she behaved in a way you didn’t like doesn’t mean her reasons may not be tangible. 

She may indeed have reasons to change the rule in your relationship, but felt you may not listen or take her too serious hence the story of becoming born-again. 

At least being born-again would eradicate the issue of sex between you. That might just be what she isn’t comfortable with but just didn’t know how to tell you about it. Telling you she is leaving you because of her new found faith might be the only thing she thought could get you to listen to her.

As for her friends, they are not worth listening to. True friends don’t backbite or destroy the reputation of a friend. If I were you, I wouldn’t take seriously the remarks of such people. 

If you do take your time to listen to her, you may find yourself changing your mind about her. The right sort of communication is what your relationship lacks. Communicating through sex only weakens the foundation of a relationship. It doesn’t add anything because it makes it difficult for a couple to have the right perspective to tackle serious matters in a relationship. 

If you do decide to take her back, it would do both of you good to lessen your dependence on sex, and to cultivate the right attitude of growing a profitable relationship which includes having a common focus as well as absolute trust in yourselves.

Good luck.