My mother hates me…

Dear Agatha, 

I am 20 years of age but life hasn’t been fair to me since I was born. I have never experienced the love of my mother. I am the third in the family and the only one having problems with my mother. I love her and aware that whatever I do to her would come back to me through my children. I have confronted with this her so many times but all to no avail. What should I do?

Troubled Girl. 

Dear Troubled Girl, 

If you are the only one having problems with your mother, then there is something you are doing very wrong or may have done wrong in the past which is making it impossible for the mother-daughter relationship to flow between you.

What were your teenage years like? Are you the very stubborn type, who thinks her mother is ancient, unfeeling and uncompromising? Are you more of your father’s child than your mother’s?

A lot of issues develop between mothers and their daughters when both of them are unready to shift grounds and hear the other out. 

If you mother feels challenged by your attitude, there is no way you would ever benefit from her love especially if she is the type who takes her job as a mother too rigid. 

Sometimes, it is not easy to love a child who is constantly rude and determined to bring pains into the heart of his or her parent. Being a mother doesn’t stop her from feeling pains brought about by disappointments at your conduct and comportment. 

Look at what makes your other siblings different from you for clues as to why you are both finding it difficult to have a relationship. When a particular child is remarkably different from the rest, that child at times presents the mother with difficulties on the best way to treat or behave towards the particular child. 

It may not be easy to blackout all the problems of the past, but there is something you can do now to have a cordial relationship with her. When she is all-alone go to her on your knees and beg for forgiveness. Don’t try to make an academic exercise of it by going back to a past capable of bringing back the painful memories. 

Give her the respect she deserves as your mother because like you rightly observed, you will also be a mother some day. Even if she is the guilty one, beg her because there is nothing like the love and support of one’s parents especially when things get very difficult. 

Good luck.