She lures me to bed, but I doubt…

Dear Agatha,

I am a 19-year-old boy whose family financial constraints make it impossible for me to further my study beyond secondary school. There is this 21-year-old lady who wooed me and who has been of immense financial help to me. We have been together since July this year, and from all indications she is very much in love with me. She was the one who initiated the relationship.

Sometime in October, I was ill. She came to our house with all sorts of fruits and gifts. She works as a sales girl. That day she refused to go home. 

On the 13th of this month, we had unprotected sex and was surprised when she went into their bathroom to get water and salt, which she gulped. When I asked what it was for, she said her period ended the previous day and that having waited for such a long time for her to have me in her arms, she couldn’t resist it. 

 Agatha, I am confused. I don’t want to start a family in my present state. It would kill my mother who is suffering so much on account of her children. Besides, she trusts me. Please help me.

Confused Boy.

Dear Confused Boy, 

You better get your priority right in life. With what you said about your situation, women and sex shouldn’t be on your menu for now. What would be your story if the girl comes back to announce a pregnancy? How do you intend coping with a wife and baby in your condition? 

Whatever it will take you to put a distance between you and this lady, at least in terms of sex, please do it for your sake else you will end up with more problems than your parents are currently coping with. In tomorrow’s Nigeria, your level of education would make you appear as an illiterate. At 19, you still have the strength and zeal to engage in menial jobs to help support your dreams of a better tomorrow as well as your mother who obviously is struggling against the tide of life to secure your tomorrow.

If you are not too proud or lazy, there are jobs you can do that would earn you honest money and out of which you can save to go back to school. It is a case of you making up your mind and work hard.

Another thing is the source of the money this girl lavishes on you. Being a sales girl be careful you are not unwittingly dragged into a situation you don’t know anything about. 

One question you should ask her is where she gets all the money she lavishes on you. Don’t allow the lure of comfort blind you into two obvious facts: the possibility of her taking the money from money she sells for her boss or getting the money from other men. You could be an accessory to a crime that you know nothing of. Granted she may be older than you by two years, as the man, you should take charge of the relationship.

Pregnancy isn’t the only thing that could come from unprotected sex. There are a lot of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) in town, some more devastating than HIV. 

For your own well-being, always take precaution if you must have sex. It is the only way not to disappoint your mother who is sacrificing her happiness to ensure you have a good life. Help yourself in life by striving to be focused.

Good good luck.