Will I ever be respected by her friends?

Dear Agatha, 

After waiting endlessly for a job to come my way after I graduated about four years ago, I decided to accept the job of a driver to enable me gather some money to begin a business.

It hasn’t been funny depending on my parents after leaving school. Being their first son, they expected me to help with my younger ones once I left school but that wasn’t to be because I couldn’t secure a job.

So when this job opportunity came, I didn’t think twice before jumping at it.

My employer turned out to a woman who from her appearance was a little bit older than me. 

At first, I thought she was married but l found out that she is single. Right from the first day, she treated me with respect despite not telling her about my educational background. Since I was able to speak Pidgin English and Yoruba fluently, I didn’t think it was important for her to know anything about me. I knew she was going through emotional problems from the snippets of her conversations that filter into my ears. I also knew from the same source that the man she was dating played on her desperation to dupe and dump her. 

Sometimes she would snap at me despite her good nature. Being close to my sisters, I knew all about the mood swings of women so didn’t allow those occasional attitudes of her bother me. Besides, I needed the money so was ready to put up with anything to help my family.

At times, of her own volition, she would buy me food.

Also too when we stayed out late, she would give me money to compensate me for overstaying the agreed closing time. 

It was not until one day, while visiting a colleague of hers, that I ran into one of my classmates at the university. He was shocked to see me as a driver and insisted I come with them into his office.

I tried to decline but he took hold of my hands and explained to my boss that I was his classmate and had one of the results in our set.

He insisted I used his computer to forward my CV to his mail box. Before leaving that day, he wrote me a cheque of N200,000.00 with the instruction I should never be shy to come to him for assistance until he is able to find me a good job.

Right there and then, he also gave me a new handset when I complained about my phone not being good.

At the drive back to her office, she was very silent; not a word and appeared to be very angry.

That evening he called to ask me over to his place. It was from my friend, I learnt she said, I played her for a fool by lying about my educational background. 

To cut the long story short, my friend after listening to my plans, gave me a soft loan of N3m and a shop space in his father’s property to begin. He also insisted I moved in with him.

The next day, I dropped my resignation letter, a move that brought tears to my boss’ eyes.

After repeating what she told my friend, she went on her knees and begged me to marry her. That from the very first day, she met me, she has been in love with me.

When I told my friend about it, he encouraged me to go ahead; that she is level headed and respectful. 

Agatha, I’m confused. She is indeed a good woman but I can’t for now be categorical on my feelings for her. Besides, won’t people especially her family members, not think I charmed her into falling in love with her because of her money?

Coming at the time my friend appeared in my life to help me establish my dreams, will people not think it is her money I’m using? On account of these, will I ever be counted as man enough for her? Will her family ever allow me be? I want a marriage I will be very happy in not one with so many controversies.

Felix.

Dear Felix,

The secret to true happiness is learning to take each day as it comes. If you attempt to solve all the challenges that you have outlined at once, you will never be able to think logically.

The first thing is whether you reciprocate her feelings or not. She has declared her love for you and is therefore waiting to hear from you.

The essential thing is for you both to find each other first. Do you love her? If you say you are not sure, it means you have something going for her. Examine what those feelings are so you can both move forward from this point.

The best way to tackle this, is to ask her for time to enable both of you get to be friends, get out of the boss-employee relationship you started out  with.

She may have fallen for you from the beginning but you need time to fall in love with her.

For the avoidance of later doubts, it is important you ask her why she waited until she discovered your educational qualifications.

Once you are able to get these two issues out of the way, concentrate on ensuring you have nothing to regret about the decisions you have made.

Whether you came in as her driver or not, the fact remains that you are now able to stand on your own and is by her side as the man she is most happy with. Someone has to help someone in life so don’t allow whatever anyone says bother you at all.

As long as you both know where you are coming from and going, every other person is irrelevant. Therefore, develop the thickness of skin to deal with the attitude of any person who wants to use your past to judge your present.

Ultimately, your comportment and ability to hold your own whatever the occasion will win whatever objections they come up with.

As long as your woman is in the know of everything, is respectful and loving, you have nothing to fear. So perish whatever misgivings you are having about the future of this relationship.

Often than not, it is the way the woman presents her man to the world; people use in placing him. If she presents herself as the boss, treats you as her play toy, everybody will naturally follow her examples.

Besides, in this relationship, through the help of your friend, you aren’t a push over; you are no longer the driver but an emerging business man set to realizing his dream for self fulfillment.

To make it clear to everyone who might be interested in monitoring your relationship, resist going to her house.

Let her be the one coming to wherever you stay. Let her grow with you in terms of financial empowerment.

For now, don’t accept any financial assistance from her. This way you will be establishing control of the relationship from day one.

Also, it will help put the relationship in the right perspective to every discerning mind from the beginning.

Above all, don’t be far from God. Given what has happened to you, it is important you stay glued to his side.

Good luck.