What do I do to prevent getting pregnant?

Dear Agatha,

I’m 16 and in Senior Secondary School. In the last couple of months, I have been receiving different kinds of interests and attention from both young and old men.

Although, my mother has never ceased to warn me about the consequences of allowing men come too close to me, I can’t help the delightful feelings I get whenever I get such attention from men.

I do have a boyfriend. All we have done is kiss and a little bit of romance.  But, he is beginning to complain and threatening to leave me for another girl who will give him everything he wants from her.

He is in his final year and would be writing his secondary school leaving examinations from April. I’m in SS2. 

My fear is: If I don’t give in to his demands now, I might lose him completely once he leaves school. I love him too much and don’t want another girl taking my place.

He has assured me that once, won’t get me pregnant and that there are drugs he would give me subsequently that would prevent pregnancy.  My friends, who have gone all the way, assure me of such drugs.

Also, I’m tired of being made fun of by my friends who think I’m being childish and archaic in what they describe as a very modern world. They say men no longer cherish the big V (virgin) that they want experienced girls by their side.

I really want to belong; but I don’t want anything to interfere with my education in line with my mother’s warnings.

What do I do to ensure I don’t get pregnant?

Bola

Dear Bola,

By refusing to be part of the crowd, you are unique and delicately created by God to fulfill a destiny He has outlined for you. If He wanted you to be part of a crowd like your friends, he would have mass produced you. From the crown of your head, to the soles of your feet, everything is peculiar to you. So, why do you want to be part of the crowd? Why do you want to do the same things your friends are doing? Come to think of it, why do you want to follow the examples of your friends when you can also make the effort to change them to your way of thinking?

You don’t have to do anything to please your friends or your so-called boyfriend. As long as you are at peace with God, you have nothing to fear at all. He is the only one you have to fear, not your friends or boyfriend who is only out to destroy your nascent life.

If he really cares about you, he won’t give you conditions to continue to function in your life as your boyfriend. A man, who truly cares about the woman in his life, will never give conditions for loving her. Rather, he would abide with whatever she wants especially as you are both minors without a viable means of sustaining whatever emerges from the action he is blackmailing you into.

Pause to ask yourself this all-important question: What would happen to your dreams if you get pregnant and he dumps you to take care of the mess alone?

Every man has a sugar coated tongue, especially when it comes to winning the body of a woman.  Your boyfriend clearly wants your body and would do and say anything to get his wishes realised.

For instance, telling you that once cannot get you pregnant is a huge lie. It is the line many men before him used to get ignorant women to do their bidding. It doesn’t matter if you are having sex for the first time or for the 100th time. The truth is, if a woman is in her ovulation period and have sex with a man, she will become pregnant no matter the state of her body.

Being a virgin and having sex for the first time won’t stop the work of nature taking place. Unless you want to terminate your education even before it has roots to sprout, tell this boyfriend of yours to go if he wants to. Sleeping with a man doesn’t assure a woman of his loyalty or insure the relationship against betrayal. A man that would stay true to a woman doesn’t need sex to stay with the woman. He would stay with or without sex as long the woman is happy with his company.

A man that makes sex a precondition for the sustainability of a relationship clearly has the mindset of using and dumping the woman. If your boyfriend has any respect for you, he will never make such a demand of you. He would instead, respect your need to keep your virginity for as long as possible.

In your bid to conform to the standards set by your friends, don’t also forget that you as the woman would suffer more should anything go wrong. You are the one nature has designed to incubate the baby for nine months. During that period, you would have to put your life on hold, bear the shame of jump-starting a stage of your life, which, ordinarily should be a thing of joy. Your so-called boyfriend has nothing to lose. He would continue with his education while you become a premature mother, drop out and frustrated young lady.

There is nothing trendy about being sexually active at all. Even in adulthood, sex is a very private matter, not to be displayed on the table.

To help you get it right; think of the kind of future you want. Build the image and etch it in your memory. Put a time frame to it to enable you focus properly.  This way, it would be easy for you to monitor your progress at every point in time.

Concurrently, build another image of you having a baby at your age, the father abandoning you to fend for the child alone. Imagine you struggling to make ends meet while your friends are continuing with their studies. Having these two contrasting images right in your mind will definitely help you stay focused and know the kind of answers to give to any man who wants to destroy your life before you even have a chance to begin it.

The irony of life is: Sex will never go out of fashion and would at one time in your life, lose all the so called excitement so much so, you would at times find several reasons to avoid it.

So, why destroy your life for something you will have to live with for the rest of your life? When the time is right, you can have it for as many times as you desire it without anybody asking you questions.

Refuse to become a prey for the male predators showing interest in you. The sad thing about all these is, once they suck you dry of your nutrients like an orange, they will be the same people laughing at what they have turned you into. No man wants to marry a woman that has been passed around. That is why they look for women whose experiences are limited when they want to get married.

Morally bankrupt as our society has become, deep down, we are still a moral conscious society, which is why these men, who go out to destroy other people’s daughters, cage their own daughters from fellow male predators.

Take it from me; your boyfriend is the first of many men you would think you are in love with.

When you find true love, you will wonder and laugh at your foolish interpretation of love.  Ignore your friends; quit your relationship with this boy and befriend your education, which is your visa to a promising tomorrow.

Tell your friends, when you are ready to embrace romance to the fullest, they won’t be the ones to tell you.

Don’t ever forget the warnings of your mother because they come from a wealth of experience. You will one day have a daughter. How would you feel as a mother if your daughter comes home with a shameful pregnancy instead of the good education you sent her to school to get? Life is a big stage and a cycle too. You will one day be standing where your mother is currently standing.  The choices you make today, will determine how your own children react to your advice. Think about it!

Good luck.