My wife is a sex manic

Dear Agatha,

I got married in December last year to a lady my friend introduced me to. She was so much in a hurry to get married that we did within four months of our meeting.

Even the friend who introduced us was surprised at the speed everything was going that he had to call for caution on my part. 

Sincerely, till date, I can say specifically how and when I agreed to many of the things that happened.

But here we are, married! Less than four weeks into the marriage, I discovered I had been duped by her, the reason she didn’t allow me come near her in the four months we dated. She used the religious card of not wanting to taint her wedding bed. 

Agatha, on the night of our wedding, I discovered everything about her to be fake; from her boobs to her bums, were artificial. She achieved her figure through well padded pants and bras. Since I was already in it, there was little I could do about that but I also made a very fatal discovery; no man can satisfy her in bed hence she goes everywhere with a vibrator she inserts into her person once I finish.

She will be on it for another hour screaming obstinacies and behaving like a demented person. Sometimes, she would bring out a second vibrator which she would insert into her backside. At that point she becomes extremely wild. The first time it happened, I was too shocked to move from my position. After the whole thing, I demanded explanations from her especially as she claimed to be a worker in her church, a reason she didn’t allow me to come near her.

I didn’t know the drama was just beginning as there is this sister in her church who is especially close to her. She was actually her bride’s maid. 

Candidly, I don’t know how it happened but there is this camera my sister gave to me as our wedding present. It was too complex for me to decode so I left it after trying unsuccessfully to operate it on one of the shelves in the bedroom.

Last week, I decided to take it with me to the friend who introduced us to teach me how to operate since he is very good with cameras and things like that.

Can you imagine Agatha, what we saw? Unknown to me, the camera was on, recording everything we did in the bedroom. It captured our every moment and much more than I would have imagined. My wife and her so called church sister making love and all the things they said about me as well as the places they usually go for charms and jobs. 

All the time I thought she was going out to work, they were actually at top clubs dancing nude for select clients.

From their conversations, I deduced she used charms on me.

I haven’t gone home since then. I don’t want anything to do with her and want the marriage annulled. There is no way I can ever go near such woman but given the kinds of things she has been saying to me on the phone, I’m getting scared as she keeps threatening to deal with me if I ever consider leaving her. It is as if she knows my every movement.

How do I get out of this situation?

Lanre.

Dear Lanre,

This is why every marriage intentions must be premised on God from the very beginning.

You were prey to her antics because; you left your flanks opened to be manipulated by her. She packaged herself in the garments she knew you liked; voluminous boobs and backside to get you to notice her which means you also walk along some dangerous social lifestyles for your paths to have crossed.

A woman who devotes her life to dancing for select clients during the day will not be found in the offices or some respectful places. Such a woman is most likely to be found in the clubs or wild parties.

So where did this friend who made the introduction find her? This is the question you should first ask your friend. Why didn’t he vehemently protest your decision to marry her beyond mere cautioning you?

Even if his intention for introducing her to you was for you to have a good time with her, he should have done something drastic to prevent you marrying her. That is what friends do when they aren’t sure of the background of anyone their friend is getting married to.

By questioning your friend, you might get more information that will help you deal with this mess you have made of your life.

It doesn’t make one bit of sense that neither you nor this friend is aware that she doesn’t work in an office. Is it that you didn’t bother to find out where she works and what kind of job she does? There are so many missing links that need to be cleared by this friend of yours. If he is a good friend, he should know the kinds of women not to bring close to your circle and the ones to introduce. To have you marry her with so many questions begging for answers doesn’t make sense at all, except of course you have anything goes for you both in which case, he can’t be blamed for the mess your marriage is in.

Since people stood for her as family members during the wedding ceremonies, go to them with the contents of your camera. If the need arises, show them the kinds of things you have on her and her friend.

The intention isn’t to ridicule her but to get them to reach out to her so that she can be helped out of the consequences of her kind of lifestyle.

Before then however, you have to be a man and confront her with the visual evidences of what you have. It’s important you make her understand that the recordings weren’t done deliberately as it could throw up the issue of lack of trust from the very beginning. Don’t put yourself in a position of defending yourself against any spurious allegations she might throw up to water down the seriousness of the situation.

Ask her why she has chosen to live dangerously as well as the gains of her actions. Sincerely, she may not even know how to stop, having gone this far. But being her husband, you could really make the difference in making her realise the constant dangers she exposes herself to and the way out if she wants it.

Marriage isn’t always easy to get out from. Besides, if she were your sister, won’t you do something to help her out?

If you have been destined to help pull her out of the moral abyss, there is nothing you can do but to offer her kindness, patience and a rare understanding to help her stand again.

As long as she is determined, there is no habit she cannot do without.

This is why you must find that peace in your heart to engage her in a very detailed discussion.

In talking to her, listen more to what she isn’t saying than what she is. Often than not, those unspoken words, to at the solution to issues like this.

If she sees understanding in your eyes and not condemnation, it could break her completely. Chances are criticism and condemnations formed her to who she currently is.

Irrespective of what you saw and heard in that camera, divorce shouldn’t be the first thing but the last after you have made every attempt at saving your marriage and her from her kind of lifestyle.

She deployed the use of charm to get you to marry her because she was desperate to become someone’s wife. That alone will make her do anything, including changing her ways to ensure she stays married.

The question is, do you love her enough to make this sacrifice for her?

Good luck.