Should I marry him?

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I will be 39 years of age, in June. Believe it or not, the only time I had a boyfriend was when I was in my first year at the university. Since that relationship ended, I haven’t had any man on permanent basis in my life.

They come quiet all right but they don’t stay. The longest, could be two weeks. At times, when I get extremely lonely, I pay someone to stay with me. It is that bad and frustrating.

There is no prayer house or spiritualist I haven’t gone to. I have even allowed a friend to take me to a native doctor in my quest for solutions to my problem.

Everywhere I went, the story was the same, powerful people within my family were responsible for my predicament to punish my father who thought the world began and stopped with me.

The churches recommended deliverance but, at one mountain we went to, one of the prophets told me to that my only solution lies in the hands of me marrying an old man whose age and love for me would neutralize the spell. He said, I have been shrouded in the garment of an extremely old woman which is why no young man stays for more than a week in my life. He said, initially they would see me the way I am but after some few days, I would appear very old to them.

I felt defeated and very confused.

That was about four years ago. About two years ago, I tried to get pregnant by paying a man to get me pregnant but after the first night, he refused to come. When I asked what the problem was, he said, I was a witch out to suck him dry of everything that makes him a man. I didn’t understand a thing. It happened twice so I decided to go back to the mountain to meet with the prophet. He didn’t allow me to explain what I came for when he told me that I transform into an old woman immediately any man sleeps with me.

I went home dejected as he had no solution beyond what he had already told me.

Agatha, the reason I have come to you for help is the situation that I have found myself in now.

In February, precisely, at the burial of my father, his best friend, three years older than my father who died at 82, proposed marriage to me. 

His wife died last year. He isn’t very healthy due to the minor stroke he suffered at the death of his wife. Sometimes, he messes himself up before help can get to him.

His children do take very good care of him; he has a nurse who goes about with him.

A visit to the prophet revealed my worst fears because God Himself showed it to me in my dream while I was praying early this year. That dream came thrice.

I know I need a man and husband in my life but to marry my father’s friend? This man can no longer function as husband so what am I going to do there? How am I going to cope with his health challenge besides, I don’t love him one bit and only see him as a father figure. 

People will mock me, my friends will laugh at me.

Life is so unfair to me Agatha. I don’t know what to do at all. Please help me.

Iremide

Dear Iremide,

Where is it written that life is fair to anybody? Not even the most powerful or rich would say life has been very good to them. 

Behind every ray of sunshine are gathering of clouds to wrestle attention from the sun. If the sun has to struggle with the clouds to perform its function of giving light and shine to the world, who are we not to struggle with all the powers that be for the retention of our glory and breakthroughs? 

If life demands an innocent baby to struggle to be born, what makes you think it would be fair on you in important and crucial choices? The task before you is that of doing what you have to do if you want to be happy.

If God has revealed it to you in your dream more than once, there is nothing to be afraid of. He that sees the end from the beginning is on the Throne of Mercy.

Our most profound wisdom cannot compete with what appears to be His most foolish.

If that is the way, He wants to route the solution to your problem, who are you to question Him?

Your only contribution is to obey and trust His decisions as being the best for you or do you have alternative to His plans?

If you have been masked to appear like an old woman to young men, you really do not have a choice if this spell is to be broken. No wise person questions the ways of God because He is the beginning and the end of all things.

And what friends are you talking about? Are these friends not married and having children? Are some of them not already laughing at you behind your back and ascribing your situation to some imaginary terrible life style you lived when you were young? Are these same people you are so bothered about not already expressing an opinion about your status as an unmarried woman at your age; are they not already comparing you with your friends who now have families of their own?

Are these friends paying men to sleep with them? Are they there with you when even the ones you pay to sleep with you run from you as if you are the devil himself?

Grow up and take what is being offered you as a life line before it’s too late. That man can drop dead anytime while you are still pondering on whether or not to do it. 

Think of the implications of this man dying before you make up your mind.

This isn’t science but a profound spiritual matter which cannot be subject to any analytical discussion if you don’t want to remain permanently at your current bus-stop.

If his ability to make you happy as a woman is the reason you don’t want him; entrust it to God. What God needs from you is obedience; once you trust Him sufficiently to follow Him unconditionally, you will be surprised at how easy things turn out to be.

I’m yet to see anybody who went into business with God and came out with tears of sorrow. 

I appreciate your apprehension and the worries, sincerely, they are genuine but what can you do when God says this is how He wants things done?

You cannot question or fight Him. At this point, the sensible thing is to ask for His grace to help you through all these. 

Something tells me, He is only going to use this old man to pray for you. There are certain people in life He has given certain authority over some people. This old man may be the one He is going to use to free you from bondage.

If I were you, I would accept and make up my mind to care for the old man as I would my father. Ensure you have a caring heart and good disposition towards him. Be his legs and hands. Don’t allow him soil himself before you help him. Read to him; share your stories with him; listen to his own stories, laugh with him but never at him.

Let him sleep every night with a smile on his face; let his memories of his last days be very pleasant ones. 

The smile and happiness in his heart are what will set you free. The more you make him smile, the more joyous your own laughter will be. Just trust God. 

I have this feeling your time of great happiness has come. Always remember, that we are all spiritual beings hence the need for spiritual interventions like this to make us happy. 

Good luck.