She is in SS1 and pregnant

Dear Agatha,

There is this girl in my school l love so very much. She is a year my junior. She is in SS1, while I am in SS2. We became friends the first day she came to school. I found her sitting all alone at a corner of the school building during break.

She looked lost and very lonely. So, I went to sit by her to chat with her. I will never forget the effect her smile had on me that day.

Practically, our relationship started from that day. We officially became an item when I entered into SS1 and she, JSS 3. When I made love to her in the home of one of our friends, we took a vow to get married and I would. But, there is a slight complication. She missed her period for this month. She was supposed to have started her menstruation on the first of this month. But this moment, she hasn’t seen it.

I don’t want to complicate her life by giving her anything to terminate this pregnancy even though my friends assure it won’t have any effect on her. I won’t be able to live if anything happens to her.

I maybe young, but what I feel for her isn’t like what most boys feel for their girlfriends. She makes me happy always.

This is why I have come to you as a son to help me. I’ve actually spoken to my mother about her; I’m her only child and she appears prepared to go to the girl’s family if need be. But, I don’t know how she would feel as it would affect her education somehow.

Please help me; I love her too much to make her miserable.

Teekay.

Dear Teekay,

Unfortunately, there is no easy way out of this mess you both have gotten yourselves into. The good thing about all these is your consideration for her. It really tells a story of a young man who cares about his responsibilities.

Both of you have already made the mistake of getting pregnant. Don’t yield to the pressure of your friends by giving her anything to terminate the pregnancy. You are right to be apprehensive over the effects of such drugs.

So many young girls have either died in the process of procuring illegal abortions or ended up with damaged wombs.

I’m sure this isn’t what you want for her. It is always best for the woman or young girl to go through the full course of pregnancy than risk damaging her womb.

Granted, keeping the pregnancy would have negative impact on her, but these are only momentary as long as you are there for her. Compared to the agony of living with secondary infertility in future, the condemnation that awaits her now would be nothing compared to what people would say to her later in life.

The joy of every woman is to hold her own child. Knowing she once had the chance to hold a child close to her heart, but threw it away because of the timing, will only make her pains more intense by the time she is ready and no child is forth coming, especially if she ends up with another man.

Painful and unfortunate as the situation is, she has to face the consequences of dropping out of school to have her baby. There is no way out of it. But, she can help herself by reading privately for the GCE external examination. If she is brilliant enough and passes her examinations, it would be easier for her to continue with her education once the baby is born.

Given the disposition of your mother towards the news, it would be better before the whole school and neighbours become aware of her condition, for your mother to meet with her parents to quickly take a decision to protect her from being made fun of by everybody.

One of the things your mother should plead to the girl’s parents is for their consent to take her to a place where she can face her shame away from friends, colleagues and neighbours.

She also needs peace of mind to enable her focus on her education as well as the love of an elderly person, who will look beyond her age, condition her to the arrival of that child.

It will go a long way in helping her deal with her situation if your mother can do this for you and this girl.

Although certainly not the ideal, but the helplessness of the situation you have put yourself and your girlfriend, demands her immediate intervention. During the holidays, you can go to be with her.

Away from your current environment, she can start all over again effortlessly.

Your job would be to send her books and lesson notes to help guide her in her quest to stand again in life.

Once you are able to get your mother to agree to go to her parents, let her know what you plan.

Sincerely, she doesn’t have much choice in this matter since she agreed to experiment with adulthood in the first place. Now that motherhood beckons, she must be ready to make the sacrifice for her child, notwithstanding her own discomfort and shame.

Her parents too may not really object considering their own shame should everyone finds out. And since you and your mother are not denying responsibility, they would be so glad to off-load her now until she puts to bed.

The fact that your mother is willing to help doesn’t make what you both did right. It would be in the interest of both of you to disengage from sex until you in particular are in a position to provide for your family.

To further protect her image, refrain from telling your friends anything about this situation again so the scandal doesn’t become public knowledge.

The reason is to help her as much as possible resume a normal life after the birth of the child.

Good luck.