She demands I marry her

Dear Agatha, May God bless you for your motherly counsels. I am 28 years old, and already have two children. I meet this girl on Facebook last year. Since then, she has been good to me. Recently, I told her about my children and since then she has been insisting I marry her. Although I love her, what do I do? Adewale Dear Adewale, On what premise is she insisting you marry her: because you have children and in need of a mother figure for them or what? Why is she bent on becoming your wife? What do you know about her or she about you to warrant you two making the all important decision to spend the rest of your lives together? The fact that you already have two children should make you extremely cautious in the choice you make else you will end up having another child without a mother in your life. Although you didn’t give any detail about the mother or mothers of your children, the fact that there is no woman in your life itself suggest that you have gone through stormy relationship(s). This is your cue to be careful and not give room for another mistake to happen. You have to think about the welfare and happiness of those children who are depending on you to give them the right kind of leadership in life. It takes more than a declaration of love to make an average marriage work. Without having the right attitude, structure, direction and vision, a marriage cannot work, no matter the love a couple starts out with. This is because marriages come with both traditional and contemporary challenges. Both classifications of challenges must be dealt with first to get to the nectar of the happiness associated with marriage. Also there are the concurrent issues that will never go away from a marriage. These are the kinds that love can overshadow, not the traditional or contemporary kinds that, only determination and knowledge of the institution can resist. A good marriage requires certain kinds of plans. What are your plans to avoid the mistakes of the past? What kind of man and partner are you? what mistakes have you always made concerning your choice of women; the kind that has left you an unmarried father of two children? These are traditional to you hence, you must tackle them before moving into a permanent relationship with any woman. An X-ray of the problem will point you at the intrinsic issues you must take time to tackle first. Knowing what your problems are as a man will point you at the solutions and the kind of woman you will need to help you overcome these challenges. This woman in your life; do you deep down think she has what it takes to be a mother to you and the children? Every man needs a mother figure in his wife. It isn’t sufficient to for a man to have a woman in his life; he must have a woman that will help him to build not just his home but his life as well. Your other relationships failed due to lack of this important ingredient in them. Do you see this woman as having the capacity to fit into that role of being the kind of mother your children need and one you will always need as you journey into what life has to offer you? Do you see her playing the role of mother hen, the kind that goes all out to protect the interest of her family? Take time out to study her. Find out the reason she wants you to marry her at all cost. What is her story and experiences? Find out before you take the decision to either marry her or not. Whatever, you do, be careful who you bring home to share your life. Don’t allow emotions alone make the decisions for you. Apply plenty of wisdom because this is a forever decision.