I’m addicted to masculine women and pornography

Dear Agatha, I am 18 years old and very confused if what I am going through is a problem or not. Since I was 12 or thereabout, I have developed strong attraction for very masculine women. Most times, I want to talk about it with someone but I am too ashamed due to the lack of such women in this part of the world. I have turned to the internet and have this uncontrollable urge to watch pornography featuring these kinds of women. Please is this attraction normal and how do you think I can stop it? Worried Boy. Dear Worried Boy, Anything that goes beyond the normal measure is a problem. Not only are you obsessed with masculine women, you have become hooked on pornography as well. These are twin challenges capable of stripping you of all your dreams as a young promising man. Sex is itself a distraction and when you add an aberration like you have done, it becomes volatile and destructive. This is the situation you have created for yourself through your strong thirst for women with masculine features which has driven you to depend on an act capable of plaguing your mind with strong sexual thoughts that could destroy one as young as you. The graphic images provided you by these adult films could make it impossible for your mind to focus on the essential qualities of a woman in later years. My concern isn’t in your preference of women, but that you have taken to watching pornography to actualize your fantasies. You might never be able to appreciate a woman for who she is without seeing her as a sex object. Besides you may not ever be able to hold reasonable conversation with a woman without being tempted to spy into her under-wears. This is the point it gets dangerous for you as a young man. This is one habit that will be difficult even in latter years to break. Not only will it get worse but, could cause a major distraction for you in the areas of studies or concentration on more serious issues. It could also lure your mind to commit a crime of rape when fully stimulated and there is no willing woman to satisfy your needs. The dangers of addiction on pornography are enormous; so beat the habit before it consumes you. In your case, it is a double addiction and problem. The first being your uncanny obsession for women who are masculine in-built as well as the one pornography provides you. While there is nothing bad in itself to prefer certain kinds of women to the others but, you are taking your obsession too far by taking to watching adult films on the internet. To beat these habits, you must ask yourself what precisely is this attraction for masculine women all about. Is it that you want a woman who will dominate you, be rough with you or treat you like a child? In addition what is the attraction in these kinds of women for you? Has it by chance to do with your mother or a strong female you admire? Which woman in your growing up years hold this kind of pleasure for you? Honestly, it wouldn’t have been such a bad thing if you haven’t taken your infatuation across the boarder line of what is normal since at one time or the other, every normal human adult went through a phase of one form of obsession or the other. While most women went through the stage of looking for the tall, handsome and rich man as the perfect sole mate; the men wanted to be associated with the prettiest woman in town. This is as far as it goes for most people. As the years peel away, reality beats one into line. Only those who are without plans or lack the wisdom to appreciate that a season has died and another one ready to take over, end up having issues like the one you are having. The human mind is such you only have to sow a seed for it to keep growing different branches unless it is controlled to grow in the right direction. You are wasting too much time and energy on a dream that should have long gone. At the age of 18 is when serious minded young men begin to lay the foundation for their tomorrows. You are in your nascent adult stage, one that requires you to expend more energy on productive things and not on pornography. If you must romance your fantasy, why not go to the stadium where you might be lucky to see a woman who is into body building that might like you? That is, if you are so encumbered with your passion you cannot think of anything else. Meeting such a woman in real life might cure you of your childhood fantasies and liberate your mind from this unnatural fixation on masculine women. As with every case of addiction, you need the help of friends and family members to pull you out of the emotional abyss your passion has dragged you into. Frankly, there is no way you can beat this habit on your own because like cancer, it has spread beyond what you can manage on your own. You need both professional help as well as the assistance of your friends. Don’t be afraid to ask because, we all have our little secrets just that yours have gone beyond the normal and has the capacity of pulling you down completely. Think of the waste of your promising life if this thing leads you to committing a crime of sexual assault? The shame you feel now would be nothing compared with the stigma that will follow your arrest and prosecution as well as the gossip that will trail you about. So cry out for help. Since cure begins with a person’s determination to leave the cage he or she has holed him or herself into, you must first make your mind to resist any thought that takes you deeper into your deep hole by fighting that urge whenever it comes strong. Create a diversion for yourself by writing out a list of what you want to be in life. Pin it on the same spot you go or like to stay to watch this pornography on the internet. We all have a particular comfort zone in our homes. On another piece of paper, outline the negative things that could happen to your life if you keep up this habit for too long. Take a picture of yourself dressed in the working garment of the profession you want to go into and in another picture, dress in clothes that are close to rags. Pin both of them side by side. These pictures would help check your dependence on this deadly habit. No one likes to be in shabby clothes. We all want to succeed. Above all, learn to talk to God for help in overcoming this sexual urges. He will provide you with a greater reason to be happy. Women are not just sex objects but one with very intelligent minds. Focusing on the built of a woman only reduces your chance to become a worthy friend to your female friends. Making the effort to appreciate a woman beyond how and what she looks like, will go a long way in healing you of this obnoxious obsession. Good luck.