I am jealous of his girlfriend

Dear Agatha, I am 20 years old and in love with a guy who has another girlfriend, he told me of his existing relationship from the beginning. He is very caring. He gives me all the encouragement I need but whenever I remember he has a girlfriend, I become sick. I love him very much. I have tried to quit the relationship but he keeps coming back and my emotions always get the better of me. Please what should I do? Confused Girl. Dear Confused Girl, Resist him so he can settle whatever issues he has either with himself or his existing relationship. There is no way you can ever get the best of him as long as he is unfaithful to his girlfriend. This is because he has to divide his time between the two of you as well as share his affection. The fact that he is still with the other lady shows that there is nothing wrong with that relationship or any reason to be unfaithful. Irrespective of whether he told you or not, there is no express reason for him to enter a second relationship. The ideal thing would have been for him to end his relationship with the other lady before asking you out. As it is, you have nothing to gain by staying in this relationship because there is nothing in it for you as it stands today. Look at it this way, you know about the other woman but she doesn’t know anything about you; shouldn’t that tell you that you that you are are not important in his life? From your letter, he hasn’t given you a commitment; one strong enough for you to hold on to. Being caring may sound absolute fantastic but when put alongside unfaithfulness, it doesn’t look so attractive at the end of the day especially if you consider the fact that you could be just a number in his chain of girlfriends outside his legitimate relationship. A man capable of being unfaithful to one woman; has the ability of being disloyal to several other women. You cannot be sure you are the only one he is cheating on his girlfriend with. Don’t allow him to eat and still have his cake. Besides, how would you feel in the other girl’s shoes? She is the one who should feel all the jealousy and bad feelings you are having. At least, he had the decency of telling you the truth about his status. It would have been a different kind of story if he had lied to you but he told you the truth giving you the choice at that initial stage to back out. You didn’t, despite this piece of information so stop wasting precious energy on being jealous of a woman who doesn’t even know you exist in her relationship. Holding on to him while the other lady exists in his life is taking too much risk with your emotions. It will block you from giving another guy the chance to come into your life; thereby denying yourself the vital opportunity of exploring other viable relationships. This is one of the many dangers holding on to this man would cause you eventually. Since he has no express commitment to you, he is free to come in and go as he likes. And if at the end of the day, he marries the woman in his life, what would be your reason for staying on? Wisdom demands you make hay while the sun shines. There is no productive result without risks and pains. The process of bringing a child into the world is an example of the kinds of pains that go with sweet calmness and happiness? No storm can rage forever. No matter how fierce, it will give way to calmness eventually. Because you have a life to think about, end the relationship. If your emotions are the problem, make yourself scarce. Change your phone number. If he cannot get you and you stop meeting him where both of you meet, he will eventually get the message that you don’t want it to continue anymore. At least give yourself a chance to heal and move on. this is because not every relationship we enter in life ends in marriage. At 20, you still have some good years ahead of you. There are a lot of men that will still come your way; this is the time to begin to plan for that future you hope to have one day. You need a man who will be yours, who won’t see you as an alternative. By agreeing at your age to be the other woman in a man’s life, you are unwittingly agreeing to his unspoken words, that you are not good enough to be the main woman in a man’s life. A woman who has a dream and knows where she is going, will not settle for being second best. She will always strive to be the number one in a man’s life or wherever she finds herself. A man is a hunter by nature and would always feed on a willing prey; he will continue to give you all sorts of reasons for you not to end the relationship. But as the woman, you should know what you want. Learn at this early age to be focused on your future plans because a bad relationship can completely derail the plans you have for yourself. Resist him. If at the end of the day, he comes back, then he is God’s plans for you. for now, you are too young and full of life to play second fiddle to anybody. Good luck.