I doubt her love for me

Dear Agatha, I met this lady in December, last year. I live in Port Harcourt while she stays in Enugu. But the distance has not stopped our constant communication, except for some few days when I was really pressed for time or had difficulties connecting with her. Since we met, I have done my best to call her everyday. She knows how much I care for her and has confessed to me that my calls have made it impossible for her not to think of me. Through our daily talks, there is no member of her immediate family that I haven’t spoken with. In addition, I don’t there is nothing we don’t know about each other. But I am currently confused. Unlike when we just started, she no longer calls as frequently as she used to. In the early days, there was no day she didn’t give me a beep, especially when she thought I was late in calling her for the day. The story is now reversed. If I don’t call her, she won’t bother. Recently, I put her to test by refusing to call her for three days. To my surprise, she also didn’t. She simply didn’t care to find out the reason I didn’t call her. I’ve proposed to her and she has accepted, yet for more than three months now, I’ve not received a beep not to talk of a call from her. I want to marry her. But does she love me? Help! Samuel Dear Samuel, It takes two to tango very well. There is nothing you can do if she isn’t ready to go with you anymore. From her attitude, something is undeniably wrong somewhere. Since both of you are living within driving distance from each other, why not take time off to see her at her base? Frankly, there is no way your relationship can grow any further from this stage, unless you both take the necessary steps to help it move on. This is because there is a limit telephone can go. You may both tell each other everything you think the other should know, but it is still too informal. It takes more than telephone conversations to make a marriage work. To a very large extent, you are both still complete strangers to each other, figments of each other’s imagination. The personal touch we invest in relationships is what, at the end of the day, determines its workability. What a regular telephone conversation does is to help build on what is on the ground. Since meeting each other in December, how much time have you spent together, getting to match your ideas about each other with your true persons? Ideas admittedly drive a relationship, but character gives a relationship spice, flavour and passion. There is no relationship without character of the couple coming into play. A certain amount of sacrifices is also needed to make it work. There is no way you can both move on, if neither of you is ready to make that vital sacrifice needed to grow the relationship. As the man, take time out to see her, spend sometime with her. No matter how many times you declare your love for her over the phone, a woman needs more assurances than hearing it on the phone. If you were outside the country, it would have been understandable; but the two of you are in the country which makes your absolute dependence on the phone unrealistic. Besides, at this early stage, other people are also involved in the success or otherwise of a relationship. This is because you are strangers to each other. Her friends and family members would naturally ask why you are finding it difficult to even pay her a visit, raising the suspicion that you may be married or engaged in a serious relationship. Others would wonder at the rationale of her accepting to marry a man who, though calls everyday, remains a complete stranger to her. Because there is nothing solid yet between the two of you, such remarks do have a way of bringing up hidden fears of the unknown. This is why you must go to her to explain and re-assure her of your love as well as intention to marry her, if she will have you. Use the time to get to know her; sometimes what we think we know may turn out to be mere fallacy. As a matter of fact, both of you must make out time to know the human beings behind the mask you both wear. I ask, how much of this woman you intend to spend the rest of you life with do you know? Beyond what she tells you about herself, can you defend her person if she gets into some kind of trouble? Sincerely, will you be able to stick out your neck for her under circumstances that appear questionable? It is even more for your sake that you should make out time to study at close range the woman who is to become the mother of your children. It is only after you had seen her, talked to her that you can make up your mind about her. But you must give her room to explain her strange behaviour as well as her reason for her apparent indifference to your presence in her life. Good luck.