I have a crush on him

Dear Agatha,

I am 16 and almost done with my high school. I’m a tomboy with lots of male friends, but I’m having my first crush on my best friend and it is disturbing me a lot as I cannot concentrate on anything, including my studies. 

The thing is that some people say he loves me, but he hasn’t said anything to me. Although, I also suspect he loves me and isn’t saying anything because his ex-girlfriend just decided she wants him back.

What do I do now?

Confused Girl

Dear Confused Girl,

At age 16, you are very susceptible and confused about what you feel. Every strange feeling comes out as love to you. For this reason, you have to be extra careful you don’t fall victim of your own foolishness.

This is because you are yet to develop the concomitant self-control required to decipher when to apply the break that would help you retain control of your feelings and whatever situation you find yourself in.

Men don’t have the kind of challenges and issues women have with their bodies and future. While a man can get several women pregnant at the same time without having his life disrupted, a woman who gets pregnant at your age not only brings shame unto herself but, puts on hold her entire future.

No young girl purposely sets out to get pregnant. It just happens and she finds herself nursing a pregnancy and child she is ill equipped to care for. And it usually begins with a crush like the one you are having towards your best friend.

Many girls your age have gotten pregnant and their education terminated as a result of having a crush on the wrong man. At 16, you can easily become a prey for a man who has no scruples. Therefore, be careful and concentrate on your education because this is your best season to read and acquire all the necessary qualifications that will help situate you in life.

The best thing to do for now is to avoid being in his company alone. If possible, stay away from him because you cannot be trusted to maintain decorum within and around him given your present feelings towards him.

Fortunately, your examinations are around the corner; use that as a reason for wanting to be serious for now. Nobody can begrudge your wanting to excel in your examinations.

If he persists on wanting to continue the friendship, insist you are not very satisfied with your current grades and wouldn’t want to disappoint your parents who are expecting you to come out with excellent grades.

Fortunately, his ex-girlfriend is back in the picture; encourage him to make up with her. This will water down his attention on you and give you the opportunity to kill whatever feelings you are brewing in your heart for him.

The other thing is to indeed concentrate on your studies. At 16, you are just sprouting like the beautiful young butterfly. For a long time, you won’t be lacking in male attention. Therefore, you have plenty of time to fall in love, get your heart broken and mended.

But for now, concentrate on your studies. Don’t make it just an excuse; ensure you have a wonderful result to show your parents at the end of your secondary school days.

To help you appreciate the precarious position of a woman, let me use the orange as an example of the worth of a young girl who refuses to get her priorities right. Once the juice of an orange is sucked, it becomes useless. So also is a young girl who refuses to preserve herself.

Once you mess up yourself, it would be almost impossible for you to earn back your place in the society.

Again, because of the overwhelming power of the hormones surge in your system, it may not exactly be in your interest to always be in the company of too many boys. Like you, your male friends are also experiencing these massive changes in their bodies and may not be able to control their emotions when exposed to a female company. At your ages, you are all going through life changing experiences that require maturity to control. For now, you all lack that experience hence the need to avoid temptations.

Most of the misadventures teenagers get into are mostly not pre-planned. They just happen even before they have the chances to think of the consequences.

Many of you are just beginning to experience all the reactions of the adult world and sex, being the underlining factor can happen with anybody and at any moment.

Besides, you cannot tell what these boys you surround yourself with have in mind. One or two of them may not be on the same page with you. You need time to mature and root your future firmly in the ways of God.

In addition, as you have found out, emotional relationship between members of the opposite sex can be engaging and time consuming. If you are not careful, it could consume all of your time; precious time you would have invested on your studies would be wasted on a venture that is valueless to you now.

This is why this important period of your life must be devoted to your education only. Being a child yourself, you cannot afford to make mistakes that will make you inferior to your classmates and age group in future. How would you feel if a mistake happens and you are forced to do nappies and baby food while your mates are going to school?

Boys don’t have any kind of responsibility that Mother Nature has bestowed on women.

For your own good and progress in life, kill that crush you have for this young man now. It isn’t worth your time, attention and energy. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing out of place in what you feel, but the timing is wrong.

Trust me, there will always be other men by the time you are old and mature enough to handle.

Good luck.