Can a man retain his purity till his wedding night?

Dear Agatha,

I’m a young man of 22, average height and a 200 Level student in one of the nation’s universities.

My problem is, when I’m under pressure of meeting up with time, especially during examinations, I end up ejaculating in my pants. It has been very embarrassing; but, I thank God, it has escaped public notice.

It is important to state here that I’m still a virgin; not out of lack of willing females, but because of my religious and moral belief.

However, the internal pressures and desires for a female company is now compelling me to review my stance on premarital sex, more so as the most beautiful ladies in my department are zeroing their attention on me as a result of my extremely outstanding performances in my examinations.

I’m seriously contemplating having a girlfriend who will settle for oral release instead of going the whole way, because, I’m scared of getting any girl pregnant and messing up my reasons for being at the university.

Unfortunately, the girls I’m coming across are not my type. I have always wanted a brilliant, moral and a bit religious girl. Please, advise me as a son. I’m confused about all these male virginity stuff. Can a boy keep his virginity until he gets married?

Victor

Dear Victor,

Unfortunately for you, no religious and brilliant girl would want to do the things you are asking because, like you, it would affect their lives negatively. The kinds that would submit to your proposals are the ones you are meeting. So, you have to make up your mind on whether to please your desires or stay focused on your plans and convictions.

Besides, the power and allure of sex isn’t something you can cage or section into compartments like your text books. Sex is too powerful and intimidating for what you have in mind. Once you get into it, the more difficult it becomes to pull away from. It is either you abstain from it completely or go into it with some sorts of protection. There is no eating and having your cake when it comes to having sex, whether you call it oral or actual sex. So, it is either you stay with your values and rest from social draw backs that come with premarital sex; or you go into it and complicate things the more in your life.

Even if you have the will power to stop, what about your partner? Would she be obliged to stop at the point you want to end it? What about her satisfaction at that point? Doesn’t the feelings of the woman you want to make out with matter? The kind of sex you want from a relationship isn’t also something you can decide on your own.

Also, what kind of relationship are you looking at, a normal relationship or a causal one? A normal one would require your time and energy to sustain, while the causal one requires money to execute. From what you have said, do you have what it takes to sustain either of these relationships? I ask this because sex doesn’t happen in abstract. It requires a process before it can happen. You must also factor all these into the time you want to allocate to it, to give you a clear picture of what you are getting it.

No matter what you want from a woman; you must give her certain percentage of your time and resources to make her relax sufficiently in your company. Do you think you can afford such luxury given your dedication to your studies?

Growing up is all about learning the secret of self-control. Masturbation has nothing to do with your not being in a relationship; rather it is your state of mind. Once you are able to control your mind from wandering and focusing on the issue at hand, a lot of pressures you are in now would disappear.

Even though you haven’t gone the whole way with any woman physically, your mind is already overshadowed with the knowledge and desire for sex. Deep in your heart, you are fully involved with sex hence the explosion when under pressure.

Frankly, it will only continue to get worse unless you sit yourself down for an honest reappraisal of your reasons for wanting to stay pure till your wedding night.

Also you have to accept one biological fact that it is more difficult for men to remain virgins than women. This is because men get stimulated by sight, while the woman is through touch; though, some highly oversexed women get excited by just imagining how a particular man would look in his birthday suit.

Therefore, you have to work twice as hard as the average woman would to keep to your avowed decision not to soil your matrimonial bed.

The truth about life is that sex will never cease to be. It is just a matter of knowing what one’s priorities are for a particular season. No one can help you beat the habit; only you can do that for yourself. Once you feel the pressure coming, turn your mind to other things that have nothing to do with sex, like the examination itself. The problem is, what you are focusing on. Once you are able to sweep your thoughts into one basket, you will experience less of your challenge.

As for your question on whether a man can remain pure until his wedding night? Yes, he can, as long as he is determined. There is nothing willpower cannot achieve. It is what makes the difference between failure and success. Bear this in mind; those girls craving for your company and attention are doing so because of your success in your examinations; they want to be associated with it and tap into it. Don’t let it get into your head because the same girls will drop you like hot potatoes if you begin to glide.

Think about it. For a man or boy, women will always come and go. So, don’t rush what you cannot finish in a lifetime.

Good luck