They love and drop me

Dear Agatha, I am a 20 year old girl. My life is full of pains. The first guy I dated for five years left me because while we were dating, I also dated other guys. When he was leaving me, he cited my past as a reason for his inability to go further with me. After he left, I dated another guy who left me without any ceremony. He actually left me the day I went for my JAMB results. Fortunately, I met another guy almost immediately. From the beginning, he warned me never to lie to him as it would mark the end of our relationship if he gets to find out. I ignored this warning and kept lying to him but, one day, I sat myself down and made up my mind to stop lying to him; unfortunately, this decision came too late. After a while, he didn’t believe anything I told him, even the bit about my decision to be honest with him. One day, I called him to find out about his well-being. He told me he couldn’t eat so I decided to pay him a visit only for me to find another girl in his house. I don’t know why men are always breaking up with me. Please help me; I need a man that will love and care for me. Sandra Dear Sandra, You don’t know why men are always breaking up with you? In any of these men’s shoes, will you be serious with a woman who has your reputation with men? A woman who cannot be trusted where men are concerned? What man would want to keep you in his life if all you do is trade your body among different men? Every man likes a woman he can trust for keeps. When it comes to pleasure hunt, they will come to you because they know you are a free game but when it comes to being serious, they will look for a woman who is more reserved. If at your age of 20, you are already engaged in the game of duplicity and multiple dating, I shudder to think what you will do when you are older and more desperate to settle down. Going by your given age, you started dating at the tender age of 15 when you should be more serious with your education. Had you been more serious with your life and educational pursuit, you shouldn’t be struggling to gain admission into the university by now. You should either be in the university or almost graduating. This is enough to tell you to get more serious with your life because men at your age are a huge distraction. As a woman, you will soon begin to experience depreciation if you don’t apply the breaks urgently in the kind of lifestyle you have expressed interest in. The fact of life is, men and woman will never get tired of each other. We would always be part of each other’s lives. When you get to that age, nobody will caution or tell you what to do with your body. If you really want to make the difference in your life, it isn’t another man you should be looking for. Rather, you should be thinking of ways of salvaging your ragged reputation by looking for ways of improving on yourself academically as well as socially. From the reactions of the different men to you, it should warn you that you are beginning to acquire a reputation that isn’t too good for a promising young lady. If you are not careful, by the time you really want to settle down to the business of looking for a life-partner, you may not be able to handle the backlash of your current life style. Only very few men would stick their necks out to marry a woman who has acquired a very downbeat reputation. The last thing you need now is a mistake which could come in the form of a stubborn pregnancy, Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) or any of the less but more harmful diseases that can be acquired through unprotected sex. There is also the more complex one of managing a damaged womb or secondary case of infertility. The woman’s life and physiology is complex; too complicated too be left to chance. As a young lady desirous of a very bright and secured future, learn to be more discriminatory so you can have a reputation worth a good man’s attention and determination. Therefore for the time being, forget about anything that has to do with men to enable you concentrate on making your papers and going to any tertiary institution of your choice. Once you gain admission and stabilize, you are free to date as long as the purpose of your going to school isn’t lost to you. Good luck.