She wants me to fight her ex’s woman

Dear Agatha, I am writing this on behalf of my friend who left her husband and children to pursue a relationship she was having at that time. We all knew they had been having issues in their marriage until she left. In fairness to the husband, he didn’t send her away; she left of her own free will and even went to court to get a divorce from him. As one of her close friends, I knew the men she was involved with. But when it became a messy court case, I had to stay away to avoid being implicated by her very angry husband in the whole court process. Besides, my husband warned me against taking sides with her since he never really liked her attitude and person. Since then, she has kept her distance from me; having accused me of not being a good friend to her when she needed me. But about last year, she came back suddenly and expressed a desire for us to become friends again. I really didn’t know why but I got to know when I heard that her husband after several years of being alone has finally found happiness in the arms of another woman. She wants me to accompany her, not to beg her ex husband but to beat up the new woman in the life of the man. I have told her to move on with her life since she was the one who ended the marriage but she is as usual adamant and wants us like we used to do when we were in secondary school to go and fight this woman. Another thing is that her mother is the one encouraging her in her behavior. There is no well meaning advice that her mother doesn’t puncture. If she didn’t have the backing of her mother, she would never have packed out of her matrimonial home or sued for divorce. Like I told you earlier, my husband doesn’t want her near me but she is determined to stick to me like glue. Her mother even called to accuse me of abandoning my friend in her time of need. I don’t know what she wants me to do. The husband doesn’t even talk to me because he knows I knew about her infidelity and supported it. I feel guilty about my role in the whole matter. I have asked God for forgiveness and really looking for a way to go and apologise to the man. To accept go and fight the woman in his life would be ending whatever hope I have to make amends with that man whose only offence was loving and marrying my friend. Please help me make a quick decision so as not to lose my own home too. Worried Friend. Dear Worried Friend, From where I stand, there is really nothing to worry about in this whole thing. It is a simple matter of refusing to dance to the tune your friend is playing. You are after all an adult who is very capable of making her own decisions. Why should you be bothered about an issue she cannot force you to do? The truth is, the decision and authority to get involved are yours to make. She cannot make the decision for you or force you into going to fight a woman that hasn’t offended you. It would be foolishness on your part to engage in such an act given the fact that your friend is no longer married to this man and has a matte of fact gone to court to terminate the marriage. so on what premise would you be joining her to fight this woman? What offence did this woman commit? Was she the one that forced your friend to vacate her home? There is no way the man can remain single for the rest of his life. He has a right to find the kind of happiness and peace he never got from your friend in the arms of another woman. If this man were the one who drove her away, perhaps, she would have had a good reason for contemplating her action but since she left of her own volition, she lacks the merit to fight this woman. As for her mother calls and accusation, explain to the mother that you accepting to be part of her daughter’s plans would affect your home as your husband would not take kindly to you rubbishing his name by engaging in a public fight. That as a mother too, you owe your children the responsibility of being a good role model which makes it impossible for you to even contemplate what she and her daughter are asking you to do. Finally, remind your friend’s mother that you have no right to interfere in this matter as it doesn’t concern you in anyway. In the first place, what would you tell the Police, is your interest in beating up another man’s wife should the matter degenerate to calling in the Police? How would you explain to your husband that you left your house to fight another woman in the house of her man? Tell the Police you were acting on the pressure of your friend? Is that the story or image you want your children to have of you? If the law can excuse your friend’s involvement in the fight, given the fact that the man in question is her ex, you cannot escape prosecution should this woman press for charges. Good wisdom demands that you allow her carry her burden alone. You cannot claim to have a perfect marriage but you decided to stay nevertheless. If her marriage was important to her, she wouldn’t have packed out leaving her children at the mercy of the man or any woman he would bring to share his life. This is what happens when a woman thinks she can eat and have her cake. To stop them from bothering you, be bold enough to tell your friend the truth as you see it. Let her know that if she continues to dance to whatever her mother says, she will never have the presence of mind to live her life. Since the man has moved on, tell her to do the same. I am sure if those men didn’t disappoint her, she wouldn’t have bothered about the woman in her husband’s life. One would have thought she would be more concerned about the welfare of her children and looking for someone to help beg her ex to give her access to see her children. A woman who left her children with a man should be bothered and find ways of getting people to beg the ex to forgive her so that she can be reconciled with her children, and not to complicate things for herself. You could stop taking her calls or that of her mother’s for that matter. And when she comes to your house, tell her, if she is refusing to be reasonable that your husband doesn’t want to see you and her together again. It is a situation of you standing by who and what is important to you. It is either you stand by your husband and home or your friend in this matter. There are no two ways about it. Good luck.