Women scare me

Dear Agatha, Honestly, I really appreciate the way and manner you treat and proffer solutions to different relationship issues. I’m a man of 28 years of age and up till now that I’m writing you; I have no woman in my life. It’s not that I don’t have interest in women but approaching them is the problem, the fact that, I’m a gentle and shy guy makes it difficult for me to approach women. I have often stayed away from situations that could cause me embarrassment. While in the higher institution, there were many women who flocked around me being one of the brilliant students in our school. Then, they were always throwing themselves at me. I understood all their gimmicks and pranks but, to approach any of them was a big issue for me. Though, I don’t have a job since I finished service last year but, I always feel like having a woman in my life not for sexual purpose but someone to share my thoughts with. I will appreciate if you can help me. Thanks and may God continue to bless you. Akeem. Dear Akeem, God that created everything in pairs, didn’t make a mistake. There is no medication as powerful as companionship. Nothing compares to having someone to share your thoughts and feelings with. It is more powerful than sex which is just a part of the whole package. So, what you want isn’t out of place especially now that you don’t have a means of livelihood. It is also a fact that God also put the initiative to approach a woman on the man. All the time those ladies threw themselves at you; they were giving you a sort of soft landing. The true test of a man is his ability to confront and surmount tricky situation. You cannot be a man without experiencing the pains of rejection from members of the opposite sex. What would be your testimony at the end of the day? The joy of late life is to share whatever experiences you had as a young man with your children or other young men going through love aches. The heart of the man is built with extra shock absorbers to overcome the rejection of women. Your responsibility is to make the move, while the woman plays hard to get before submitting herself to the man. That a woman is proving to be difficult doesn’t mean total rejection. The best things of life are those things one struggles to get. If you didn’t study hard, make the necessary sacrifices for your tomorrow, you won’t be the brilliant man who attracted women with his brilliance while in school. So why are you so afraid of women? There is no mystery about approaching a woman. It is a matter of knowing what you want in a woman. Don’t approach a woman for the sake of doing so, do so because you found in her that something extra special; those enduring qualities you can identify with. Many a time, men simply approach a woman for the fun of it; not knowing what exactly they want from her. At your age, you should be clear minded about the kind of woman you want in your space. This is the task you must first get out of the way before approaching a woman. The worst kind of mistake you can make now after waiting for so long is to end up with the wrong woman which could happen if you aren’t definite about the kind of life you want for yourself. Theare is a huge difference between a woman having the right look and the one with the attitude to go with her looks. So many men want a pretty looking wife without considering if she has the temperament to go with it. For instance, you should by now be thinking of the kind of woman who would make you a good wife; that means having an idea of what it takes to make a man like you happy and contented. The thing about marriage is having a partner to compliment and cover one’s defects. Being shy, you need a woman, who can take the initiative; who is bold but respectful. For your home to run effectively, she cannot afford to be as shy as you are. No matter what your nature is, you will always need a woman in it so, it is high time you got a grip of yourself. Once you see a woman you like, approach her first as a friend. The period of friendship is to help you discover who she is. The unearthing of her person will help you come to a reasonable conclusion on whether or not to go on with the relationship. Because good things don’t come cheap; don’t be discouraged by whatever attitude the woman puts up at the beginning. As long as you are focused, know that it is the lot of the woman to play games with the hearts of men at that embryonic stage of a relationship; you have nothing to worry about. What you need is confidence in yourself and dreams. Don’t allow any woman make you appear inferior simply because you don’t have a job. The woman who supports your dream irrespective of your present condition, is the right one for you. Good luck. I cannot last for more than a minute DearAgatha. I am a guy of 30 years, hoping to get married very soon. But my problem is that I do not last more than a minute while having sex. My girl friend has been complaining about that since I started dating her. However, I have promised her that things will improve but up till now, nothing has improved. Could it be attributed to masturbation because I indulged in the act so much? If yes, how do I get over it to last up to three or four minutes or even more than that so as to satisfy my girl friend since I want to marry her? Emytex Dear Emytex, Simply as the act of lovemaking appears, it has so many complexities which a couple must understand and appreciate for maximum satisfaction. You have every right to be apprehensive because if the situation persists, you risk losing your girlfriend who after a while may get impatient with you. To help both of you get to that point of satisfaction, you must eliminate all obstacles that stand between you and getting optimum pleasure. You will need the help and understanding of the woman in your life. Call and seek her opinion on this; let her know you have a problem and would require her understanding to overcome. Pretending you can solve the problem yourself will only make it persist. This isn’t the time for you to display any male ego. You both need the understanding that it takes much more than the coming together of a man and woman to enjoy intimacy. Just as our faces are different, so are our erotic zones different. Though a man is stimulated by mere looks alone, the woman needs much more. Because you are the one with the problem, you need the understanding of your girlfriend to get yourself together again. Irrespective of whatever the outcome of the first expedition is, employ her in your second attempt to make it perfect for both of you; that is, ensuring she is almost there before mounting her. Once your timing coincides with hers, she won’t notice the brevity of your performance as a man. Use your fingers and tongue to get her ready; to ensure she appreciates your efforts and person as a man. With her support and devotion, you will get your timing right again. You are right about the contribution of masturbation to your problems. You have become used to a certain time of release and now that you have a woman in your life, it will take a long time for you to get past that time you have set for yourself in your private world. This is the reason you are finding it difficult to please your girlfriend. Don’t worry; with her help and sincerity, you will overcome this minor set back. Good luck.