I don’t want to make a mistake

Dear Agatha, There is this boy I have always addressed as my cousin when my father was alive. My sister and I used to visit them because our father said his mother was our aunty. When my father died, he came to the house to enquire about my welfare as well as what I doing. I told him I was looking for a place to do my Industrial Training (IT). He found me a place but I wasn’t comfortable with the way his reactions to me as well as what he was telling me. He later came with what he felt for me as well as a marriage proposal. I instantly told him there was no way I could marry my cousin. I was very upset with him. It was then he told me the truth that my late aunty wasn’t his biological mother that he mother was the second wife of his father. Still, I told him I was in a relationship with someone just to make him stay away from me. This is besides the fact that I know him to be a sickle cell patient. Despite what I told him about having a man in my life, he hasn’t stopped disturbing me. He has even challenged me to introduce my boyfriend to him. I am really tired of answering his calls. Now he wants to pay me a visit in school which I have declined. Please, should I tell him not to call me again or should I stop calling him because I don’t want to make mistakes in my choice of a life partner. Confused Lady Dear Confused Lady, Why are you still calling him if you aren’t interested in him? The fact that you are calling him at all; means you want him around you. This is why he has persisted in asking you out. Men are used to women saying no when they really want to say yes. So, be very definite on what you really want. Do you want him around you or not? And what are your real reasons for your proclaimed position? Has it to do with the fact that he is SS? If he didn’t, would you consider his request having addressed the issue of the status of your biological relationship? Mistakes we make in life begin by denying the truth to ourselves. Yes, he might be SS but that shouldn’t stop you from admitting your feelings towards him. To continue to turn him down without explaining why you think it impossible for both of you to have a relationship is wrong. Besides, what is your status? If you really like him and you are AA; both of you can marry since there is no possibility of you both producing SS children. But if you keep running away from him without admitting the truth to yourself or anybody, you will end up making the mistake of assumption, one factor that leads to life long regrets. Even if you are unsuitable to marry each other going by your genotypes, still you owe him the truth. It won’t stop you from taking your decisions but it will help preserve a relationship that dates back to the early days of your lives when your parents introduced you both as cousins. This is the relationship you should try to conserve, notwithstanding what you think or feel about his current disposition towards you. Besides, was it an offence for him to declare his feelings for you? Your reactions make his feelings for you appear like an abomination; why do find his feelings for you so objectionable? Is it the fact that you are angry with yourself for feeling something you think you should not feel for him or that you are unable to read your feelings towards him and his proposal? Whatever, learn to be honest withyourself. It is the only way to confront and tackle this emotional impasse you have woven around yourself. The truth is, if you didn’t care, are indifferent to him, you wouldn’t have lied to him about having an imaginary relationship. Ensure you investigate this angle properly to avoid the mistake you are so afraid of making. Good luck.