I cannot cope with his bulk

Dear Agatha, We got married three months ago. Our problem is my husband’s huge anatomy. It is not only huge but long. I never saw it before we got married. Lovemaking is a nightmare for me. He would keep going at it for more than 30 minutes before he finally discharges. What can I do to make him soft because it is usually very hard? Agnes. Dear Agnes, When a woman has your kind of challenge, the first thing she does is sit her husband down for a very frank talk. She must make him understand and appreciate her ability as well as the capacity of a woman’s anatomy. In all honesty, he may not know he is hurting you. To him, your silence means you are enjoying it; hence the extra efforts he puts into his performance. Most men don’t understand the woman’s discomfort in accommodating a man who is well endowed. Men seem to think the woman’s body is built to expand to all dimensions simply because her vagina can stretch to its limit during child birth. Unfortunately, the process of bringing a child into the world is different from lovemaking. During lovemaking, the vagina must be treated tenderly and lovingly to get the best out of it while at childbirth, it must undergo its limit to perform its function of providing a free passage to a new life. Besides, during lovemaking, its elasticity is simply to take the male organ in; not to have it disrupt the arrangement of her body. Make him understand that the elasticity of the vagina can expand to take in the size of any man but needs the support of the man to effectively accommodate and benefit from the pleasure of its existence in her. Explain your limitations as a woman to him. Don’t be ambiguous or afraid to communicate your state of mind to him. To pretend about it is to gradually destroy your marriage because soon, you will become apprehensive and resentful of him as well as his presence inside of you. This point must be well transmitted to him in a way he would not be offended or apprehensive about your ability to cope with his size. There is no way he would appreciate your feelings if you keep quiet about it. He would think, and rightly too that you have the quantum energy and capacity to fully take all of him in. He would keep riding you without thoughts for your comfort and enjoyment probably because for the first time in his adult life, he has a woman who isn’t afraid of his length and width. That simple thought is enough to motivate him to take advantage of the situation and become a little bit selfish in his quest to derive maximum satisfaction from it all. Honestly, you cannot condemn him since he may not have had the pleasure of such an accommodating woman. But explaining your discomfort to him will make him consider the options you both have especially as you are his wife and not a girlfriend he can simply dump for another woman. In your discussions with him, it is pertinent too you take him back to his bachelorhood days. Ask him if any of the women in his life ever complained about his anatomy. Follow with the question of how they coped and how he felt about their rejection. His answers will give you an insight into how to handle and tackle his psychology. Many a time, when a man is either too huge or small, he develops a psychological problem which his wife has to work around else she risks creating a secondary problem in her marriage; that of being accused by the man of having extra marital affairs. Men don’t take kindly to any criticism of their anatomy by a woman. Therefore, you have to be wise, friendly and diplomatic when discussing the issue with him. Absolute care must be taken by you not to hurt his pride or make him wonder if you are totally disenchanted with the whole concept of being married to him. As matter of fact as you can be, explain your feelings to him but don’t stop at that. Come up with workable alternate positions that will make it easier for you to accommodate him as well as make it, enjoyable for both of you. It is best you arm yourself with information by reading books and literature on how to cope with men who are extra large. Knowing what to say eliminates any ambiguity you may feel at the subject. If you investigate very well, there are some positions, you both can adopt for maximum satisfaction. He would also have to be careful not to go into you completely. These positions offer him the power of control at all times even when he is approaching his zenith. There is no way you can make him soft; but your imagination and willingess to take what is offered in your package is what will help your situation. Even when you have the right size, lovemaking works best when the couple has a sense of adventure and comfortable with the other. Your panacea is a very huge sense of adventure and fun to match his size. Good luck.