I’m in love with my girlfriend’s mum…

With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about one year now. In December I decided to meet her family for the first time.
I know, from our conversation, that her mother is a divorcee for close to two decades, and that she was responsible for the welfare of her children.
From my girlfriend’s accounts of her mother’s struggles, I expected her to be middle-aged. But I was almost taking her for my girlfriend’s elder sister when I finally got to meet with her.
Without any form of make-up, she was extremely beautiful. This is the kind of woman you know immediately owes her beauty to God and not to beauty products.
Needless to say I was captivated by her so much so I just wanted to sit and stare at her. I found myself staying till very late evening. I just wanted to be near her.
At that time, I didn’t know what it was I felt for her, but as the days went by I discovered I was thinking more of the mother than the daughter. Gradually, I began to notice flaws I didn’t know existed in my girlfriend, seeing her as childish and not good enough for me.
I know this may sound outrageous, but I am fallen deeply in love with my girlfriend’s mother. It isn’t the kind of crazy urge to possess her, but something much deeper than that. I just want to be near her, loving her, doing things for her and deriving happiness being near her.
It is crazy, I agree, but everyday I see her, which is often these days, since I find all sorts of funny excuses to visit my girlfriend in her house. She is overjoyed thinking it is a sign that I have finally made up my mind to marry her.
To be truthful with you, Agatha, I don’t feel anything anymore for my girlfriend. Even if I don’t end up with the mother, I won’t go any further with her or any younger lady. I am beginning to realise that I find older women more attractive and mature.
A friend of mine I told about my feelings for my girlfriend’s mother, advised me to stop visiting, that it was too dangerous for everyone concerned but I simply cannot stop. I crave everyday to hear her voice, see her smile, take in the smell of her perfume and just be near her. Sometimes, I find myself calling her just to get relieve from speaking with her on the phone.
It all so crazy that during the last Valentine’s Day, I insisted that we stayed at home with her.
Please, Agatha, how do I handle my twin problems: ending my relationship with my girlfriend and declaring my love for her mother? I am really in love with her. I am 30, my girlfriend is 28, and she is 55 years of age. Am I weird?
Taiwo.


Dear Taiwo,
There is nothing in the law books that prohibits a younger man from falling in love with an older woman. This is because love can happen in an unexpected place. But it isn’t every love we feel is right or permitted to happen. Along life’s journey, we would come across different kinds of love, what makes us human and accountable is our ability to fight against feelings considered unreasonable.
For love to be beautiful and rewarding, it has to be responsible and premised on reality. That is why a lot of people don’t subscribe to love being blind.
It is the reality aspect of love that prevents sane people from falling in love with insane people, no matter how beautiful or handsome. No matter the power of love would make a sane person bring home an insane person from the street as his or her object of love. Just as the responsibility aspect of love frowns at what you are about to do to your girlfriend. The woman in question is her mother.
No matter how or what you feel for this woman, reality and responsibility demand that you should put as much distance between you and this woman.
In the first instance, she is the mother of your girlfriend, not a woman you can afford to mess with. She is being receptive towards you because you are her daughter’s boyfriend and one she hopes will one day become her son-in-law.
Being a single mother who has struggled to train her children and make them whom they are now, she is naturally expecting them to settle into their own homes. If her daughter is 28 and you 30, she could easily be your own mother. Therefore you owe it to yourself to discipline your feelings, no matter how strong they are.
You will be destroying a lot of things in that family if you make the mistake of breathing the word out. It won’t be just about you any more, but about everything that woman has struggled to put together all these years on her own.
By your declaration and feelings, you would forever create a whole set of problems between mother and daughter. From the day you dump the daughter for your attraction for the mother, you plant a permanent seed of hatred from the daughter to the mother. There is nothing the mother would do or say will ever make her trust her mother again.
At that point, it won’t matter to her whether her mother is in the know or not, what would be upper most in her mind is that her mother has betrayed her. She will never be able to forgive or forget that fact that her boyfriend she brought home dumped her because he fell in love with her mother.
In addition, to destroying a family, this woman has carefully put together, you will be exposing her to the ridicule of those who have never wished her well. This is because jealousy would make the daughter say things she isn’t supposed to utter to people she would ordinarily not talk to about her mother.
If you really love this woman, don’t say anything to her or her daughter. Since you have come to the conclusion that you are no longer in love with your girlfriend, stick to that fact. You could say you have found yourself a woman with a more mature mind than hers.
And please in the interest of all concerned, stop going to the house or calling her. Even if your girlfriend’s mother calls you to ask what the problem is, tell her that you have found someone else; that you have realised that if you marry her daughter, both of you will never be happy as a couple.
If you can, move away from the two of them. Ask for transfer if possible to a place you can start all over again. By the time you put a good distance between you and these women, your emotional recovery will be quicker than if you stay around where you will be constantly reminded of them.
One of the reasons you have fallen so hard for her is because you get to see her too often. Give yourself a chance to fall in love with the right woman, one whose love will never make you look at another woman.
The important lesson you should take away from all these is, only a woman with a mature mind will really make you happy in life. So next time, look for the woman who has that maternal quality, who is almost natural and has a wise and mature heart. Deep inside you, you want a woman with these kinds of qualities for you to come home to. This is the hidden message in all these.
Good luck.