She changed on New Year’s Day

Dear Agatha,

I really love your response to people’s issue concerning their love life and any issue that bothers them. It’s such a great thing God created you in our society and may Almighty God continue to replenish your strength and grant you more wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

Please Agatha, I have this girl I am dating. We have been together for three months now. I approached her in the first place because of her unique character. She is well educated, obedient, beautiful, well behaved and secretive in relationship. She calls every day, before going to bed and early in the morning just to know my feelings. I really, really love this girl but one day something happened.

On New Year day, she changed suddenly, stopped all the calls and whenever I call her and ask why she didn’t call to wish me Happy New Year, she only says there is nothing.

Sometimes if I call her, she won’t pick my call and at times terminate it by herself.  

I had no choice but to stop calling her. She became unhappy with my decision and called to ask why I wasn’t calling her again. I also told her what she told me when I asked her the same question.
It seems the love I have for her is fading in my heart. And now, it appears she needs me more than before.

Please, what can I do to let her know she isn’t the same lady I fell in love with; she has changed. Being from a Christian home, I don’t like dating more than one lady at a time. I need your suggestion.

Worried Boy.

Dear Worried Boy,

Three months is too short a time to worry about and determine the workability or not of a relationship. Every relationship has its gestation period; one that would help give it character and texture. It is your ability to survive and manage this period that gives a relationship its equilibrium.

For now, take each day as it comes because your character traits are just unfolding. Just like you have noticed one or two changes in her, she too may have one or two things to complain about in you too.

There is no perfect situation or people but only a strong determination to make a circumstance work.

As two people from different families, upbringing, values, you should expect disappointments here and there. To give up on her simply because she has behaved differently from the image of her you have is admitting to failure. The question you should ask, if she were an ordinary friend, would you be quick to judge her? Chances are you would show more understanding for her behaviour.

Apply the same level of tolerance you would show your friend to this relationship. It will go a long in helping both of you navigate the new path of self discovery you have both embarked on. 

Also have you considered she might be trying to gauge your true feelings for her by her refusal to call you as before? Something deep inside her must have cautioned her; told her if she doesn’t stop, you may begin to take it for granted that it is her duty to do all the callings. Being a woman, she has to know that she isn’t the one pushing for the relationship; that it is something you also want as much as she does. 

From your reactions, you may have failed that test considering that she has always been the one calling you. Every woman, no matter how young or old needs care and affection from the man in her life to give her the best. All she wanted to achieve is to show you how to care for her and how not to take her for granted.

Calling you back to ask you why you stopped calling her underlines her real reason for acting the way she did.

The truth is, she may not have changed from who she has always been but because she has stopped calling you as was the case in the beginning you think she has.

Learn to be thorough by looking beyond the surface of issues if you want to go far in your relationship with any woman. Women have a lot of ways, sometimes outrageous and incomprehensible to the average man to communicate their desires and needs.

If you love her, play it cool. Forget the incident of these past weeks and act your role as the man by being the one rushing her with calls.  

You don’t have to lose her at all or develop double minds about her simply because she stopped calling you. The issue here is very simple. Refuse to be disappointed by her attitude by considering it as one of the many acts women put up in the process of getting the man to work a little bit for love. Every woman worth her salt has done one or two things similar to what she is doing now to get noticed by her man and or clear doubts she may have about the feelings of the man.

These are the little things that she stores up in her sentimental memory bank that comes to the rescue of the man when he steps out of line. Make her feel like the woman she is. 

Calling her first won’t compromise your Christian faith. The world is governed by love and care. 

Good luck.                  

You can also visit www.auntieagatha.blogspot.com or write agatha.edo@gmail.com