Is love real?

Dear Agatha

Does true love really exist? Isn’t it all an illusion? I say this because of all the confusion happening in our relationships. How can anyone be in love and be sleeping with another person? It is all so confusing.

Peter

Dear Peter,

Without love, there is no life. The world derives its origin and strength from love.

Love is evident in all relationships of the world. It takes an element of love for two people to even become friends.

What the different are, however, the different hues love comes in as well as our understanding of what it is all about. However, for it to make meaning to us, it requires a thorough study as well as preparation.

Its preparation begins with us. What is our comprehension of love? Love begins by knowing what it is as well as application. There is no way you can give what you don’t have or something can come from nothing.

The foundation of a study of love comes from us applying it to ourselves. When you love yourself, know how you want to be treated by people around you, it makes you very sensitive to what others also expect from you. Only people who are ignorant of love and its expectation go around life hurting others.

For love to bloom, it has to be properly founded on certain principles. It has to be enduring, selfless, supportive, caring, patient, tolerating, understanding, accommodating, humble, sensitive, respectful as well as responsible.

There is no way love can make it if premised on selfish foundation. A lot of time, love becomes a shade of pains and ugliness because the person professing it sees it as a self-serving emotion, in which case it becomes insensitive and disrespectful of the other person’s feelings as well as thoughts. Above all the person must understand why God created love. God created love for friendship and companionship. He knows that without friendship, love becomes nothing, but an animalistic urge similar to what lesser animal experiences. This is why love is a spiritual thing. It has to first succeed at the spiritual level before it can work physically.

This is the mystery of love, why we love a particular person and prefers to be friends with another kind of person.

Having given us the knowledge of good and bad as well as ability to understanding our supremacy over all other creations, He gave love to help us relax, shape the world and improve on our environment.

When love is properly applied, it helps create in the environment a deep friendship as well as a deep feeling of selflessness. This is why a person really in love is a very happy and contended person to deal with. The patience and tolerance to listen comes from the confidence of knowing that out there is someone who is very supportive as well as caring.

Love brings the baby in all of us out. It reminds of our dependency on others to make us whole. When true love exists it takes us back to our early happy years, those years when the support and presence of our parents gave us the confidence to do the impossible.

There is no way love can be celebrated without an accompanying determination to place the interest of the other person first. This is the kernel of love itself because it breeds loyalty and trust. Without both parties first making the sacrifice to accommodate the views and opinion of the other, it becomes difficult for both of them to appreciate why things should be done certain ways to accommodate the feelings of both of them.

This willingness is where the thread of respect comes into play. It has to be carefully patterned to make each member of the partnership relaxed and happy. If a thread is heavily patterned to favour one side, the delicate balance needed to harmonise the different personalities of the two parties becomes very difficult to attain. Therefore for the two persons to have a sensible relationship, both of them must have the humility required to take in the other person’s view without feeling cheated or left behind. So, for you to get the type of love you want, you must be ready to invest into it. You must give it your best by devoting time to the principle governing it.

If your understanding of love is only based on sex and materialism, chances are you would continue to suffer pains and disappointment, because, only the wrong persons would come your way.

To help you appreciate love, first look at what you totally understanding of it. What values are most important to you when you are professing it? If your ideals were superficial, totally lacking in substance, chances of you being able to attract a partner with valuable substances would be slim because likes attracts like minds.

Love only pays those who appreciate that it has a life of its own, operates on a principle of fairness as well as vision.

Before you fall in love again, ask yourself what you want from life, how you want to be treated and who do you think would help you best in achieving your dreams.  Quality love requires you to look inwards and not outwards. It is what we each have inside of us that last forever, not what we look like or have in life. Therefore you must be ready to dig deep by making all the initial sacrifices.

Most important is to allow the spirit of God help you in making the last choice because sometimes what we think is gold may indeed be tarnished object wrapped in golden wrapper. It takes only the grace of God to know who is real from who’s fake.

Good luck.