Thursday, April 3, 2014

Infidelity led to my husband’s bedwetting


MarriageClinic With Agatha  Edo,  Email: gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I don’t know how to deal with this problem confronting me in my marriage. I actually came to your office but couldn’t summon the courage to ask of you at the reception. I left without fulfilling the purpose of my visit. 
The issue is that my husband of nine years urinates on the bed in the night. This started a year ago after I fought his girlfriend and made him to leave her. I actually found out that she was pregnant for him. During the cause of our physical exchange, she fainted and was rushed to the hospital. I heard she eventually lost the baby but at least, my husband began to stay at home. 
A month after the incident, she came in company of her elder sister who told me to be prepared for battle; that I would see issues in my marriage that will be beyond me. They said I can keep my husband because her sister isn’t interested in him anymore.
Without giving me the chance to give them a suitable reply, she walked out of my house.
I was glad and closed the chapter but not without warning my husband never to make the mistake of going out with another woman or he would live to regret ever betraying our vows to each other.
He didn’t know who to be angry with; me or the woman who came to threaten me in the house.
But to ensure his friends and family members are aware of the incident just in the event that she comes back to injure me at home; I told everybody including my harmless warning that he will live to regret ever being unfaithful to me again.
I don’t know what happened but about a month after that incident, he started to urinate at home.
The first night, our son slept in our room since he wasn’t feeling too fine so I thought he did it. I ignored it and changed the beddings. My husband didn’t react in the way he normally does if any of the children urinates on the bed. I also noticed that even though it was a Saturday when he liked to stay in bed or laze around in his pajamas, he not only took his bath but washed his clothes as well. 
You can imagine my shock when I discovered that it was my husband who was urinating on the bed. The first few nights, he bluntly refused to sleep in our room. He deliberately picked a fight with me, using the excuse of my son’s purported behaviour as an excuse.
Soon the guest room started oozing urine. To cover up, he will take our last son along with him to sleep there.
But he eventually owned up when the situation became too much for him to handle.
There is no where we haven’t been to; nobody has the answer to his problem. One of the places his family took him to, I was said to be the one behind his predicament. As it is now, his family members are accusing me of being responsible for his situation and are insisting I undo whatever it is I have done to harm their son.
They think I did it to make him pay for dating other women. Agatha, I am innocent. God knows I know nothing about it. Why would I go to that extent to harm him?
I don’t know what to do anymore. I have prayed and fasted but his situation has remained the same. I am fed up with the whole situation. The whole house stinks as a result of it.
I just want my husband to be all right. I love him. 
I am so confused. What can I do?
Mosun.

Dear Mosun,
First eradicate any medical condition.  Be certain that he is not suffering from any medical condition. According to my doctor’s friend, an infection of the bladder may make it impossible for him to control himself especially at night when he is asleep. It is the same reason children urinate on their beds in the night.
In his opinion, it is obvious that the brain isn’t getting any message from that part of the body to wake him up when sleeping. Therefore insist on medical examination before considering other options. If the problem is medical, spiritual options won’t work. God who equipped pharmacists and doctors with the medical knowledge of the kinds of drugs and treatment we need from time to time to help our weak organs, repair them where necessary certainly knows what he is doing so stop applying a medication meant for headache to treat boil.
It is only when doctors insist there is nothing wrong with him medically, and all his vitals are working the way they should, that you should employ the spiritual options since what happened in the past and this incident may just be a coincidence.
But be that as it may, you didn’t handle the matter of your husband’s affair very well. Doubtless, you had every reason to be bitter considering the emotional pains and sense of betrayal involved in knowing your husband had being playing around but going to fight a pregnant woman wasn’t right.
What if they had invited the Police in and you are currently facing murder charge? The fact that the woman lost her baby while you fought her in her state makes you responsible for the death of that innocent child she was carrying.
Even though they didn’t bother to press charges against you, spiritually you have offended God. You shouldn’t have fought this woman under any circumstances. After all, she didn’t get herself pregnant. Your husband did. The normal thing would have been to confront your husband who strayed and betrayed his vows.
Therefore if those you have consulted over your husband’s predicament think you are the one behind his problem, they can’t be far from the truth. Granted, you may not be directly responsible, fighting his pregnant mistress, an incident that led to the death of the foetus, makes you indirectly liable for the condition of your husband. Temper and impatience can destroy an otherwise good cause.
This is where I think you should begin sourcing solutions to your problems from. The fact that the other woman’s family members, beyond coming to issue that threat, didn’t make life more difficult for you by adding legal means to what you did, is very pregnant with meaning.
If you know where the woman is, go and beg her. Even though she ought to be the one begging you, the fact that you acted wrongly, out of impatience makes you the guilty one. Take elders in your family as well as your husband’s to beg her for forgiveness. Life is too deep and complex for what you did to this woman. Besides, nobody can really know the mind of our God. What appears to be right to man maybe injustice in His sight. If the laws of the land do not take kindly to fighting a pregnant woman, how much more God’s laws? The life that was lost was created by God, so it was His handiwork you destroyed. That child could have become the redeemer of your family or a world-class material in his or her chosen field. That child she was carrying was innocent of anything the father and mother did to you.
The act made you guiltier than your husband. By going to beg the woman in question to forgive your act, you make yourself blameless before God.
Once you beg, don’t bother if they agree to your pleas or not. Follow up by asking God Himself to forgive you and ensure that everything that incident put wrong in your family is made right.
If anybody tells you not to go, that the woman got what she deserved, don’t listen or allow pride make you lose everything that gives you happiness at the end of the day.
Wisdom is what governs the journey of life. Don’t allow anybody take it away from you.
You need a peaceful home to train and instill proper values into your children. You need your husband to feel like a man again; to be a real husband to you and not just in a name.
With his challenge, it will be difficult for him to function as a man even though nothing is wrong with him physically.
If it takes asking this woman for forgiveness to restore peace in your home, please do it.
Above all, don’t ever relent in prayers. There is nothing our God isn’t capable of doing.
Good luck.

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