She wants me to stay on

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am 23 years of age and there is this lady I love so much. She is 22 years old. It all started in 2009 when we became good friends. She does not hide anything from me. Over the years we have remained good friends and able to resolve our differences amicably. While with her one day she announced that she needed a friend who would understand and be very close to her. I told her she would find that kind of person soon. Following my response, she asked me who I am to her to which I replied a friend. She followed by response with a very bold question, why can’t I be that friend? I replied her immediately that I would gladly be that friend if she would have me. She then demanded I sent a text outlining how I feel about her. I later did and added questions I have always wanted to ask. I wanted to know if she has a boyfriend, still a virgin, how many intimate lovers she has had as well as my place in her life? She told me she has a boyfriend who stays abroad as well as the fact that she is no longer a virgin. She also told me that she has more male friends than females. She told me I am a special friend. She also told me that whenever her boyfriend comes to town, she would resume intimacy with him but said he last called her three months ago. When I asked if she plans to have someone else in her life, she answered in the negative. She said she is only interested in friendship. She went on to say she doesn’t like deceiving people and that is why she is telling me everything I need to know about her. My question is this: can I continue with this girl? What am I really to her? We have gone so far and I thought I was the love of her life. Now I know I am not. What do you advise me to do? Chydolski Dear Chydolski, What else do you want me to tell you when the girl in question has explained everything to you? She has been very honest with you. It is a rare quality. Most girls would rather lie about such things, giving you the impression that you are the only man in their lives. But she has decided to lay all her cards face up on the table. If you decide to stay, what would you be staying for? She has told you she isn’t interested in replacing the man in her life with anyone despite not hearing from the man for three months. She is confident that he would come back to her hence her disinterest in starting something with you or any other man. She hasn’t hidden anything from you at all. You are a dear friend and nothing more. If you have read too much into the relationship before now, it is time for you to have a rethink based on what she has told you. The fact that you asked if she is a virgin means you haven’t been intimate with her or tilted your discussions to anything personal since 2009 that you met her. The fact that you didn’t know about her life until she initiated this discussion is an indication that you are also ignorant of what constitutes the foundation of a relationship. There is no way you can be in a relationship with someone without knowing some basic facts about that person’s past life. So your perception was all wrong in the first place. Such relationship could only have existed in your imagination. Now that she has told you all you need to know, the choice is yours to stay on with her as a friend while you begin the search for a girlfriend or to end your liaison with her if you find it unbearable to be close to her. She has given you the full options, including your place in her life. The final decision is yours to make and stop making yourself confused by your own refusal to accept the truth. Good luck.