He has two children from different women

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Thanks for your selfless service to humanity. I started dating at the age of 13 as a result of poor parental upbringing. The first man I dated was a thief and I never realized it. The second one betrayed me by sleeping with my best friend. Now the third one is breaking my heart. I met him in my final year in secondary school in 2008. To call him an animal in human skin is putting it mildly. Last year, a lady called me to announce that she has a son, who is four years of age for my boyfriend. She told me to leave him alone because they are getting married even though she is five years older than he is. When I confronted him with what the woman claims, he said he was scared of telling me about her since he didn’t want to lose me. Besides, according to him she was already pregnant when we met in 2008. He said they met in a club. That I am the only one he loves and desires to spend the rest of his life with. I forgave him and continued with the relationship only for him to call me aside recently to confess another son he has from another girl who is younger than I am by two years. She is 20 while I am currently 22 while he is 23. He also said he lied about his age. that he is actually three years older than I am instead of the earlier one year difference he told me about. Now he has come to the sudden realization that we are not meant for each other after all these years of wasting my time. He appears to be more in love with the second lady whose picture he used as his screensaver. I am heartbroken, he has never given me a pen since we started dating aside the N100 recharge card he gave me in 2008 when we just started dating. I have not seen him in the last three weeks. Whenever I call his phone, a lady usually answers. My friends have told me to forget about him but I am still in love with him. Please help me Agatha. His parents don’t know about the children. I am confused. Confused Girl. Dear Confused Girl, You have devalued yourself and life enough. Time you took your life more serious. A woman is as good as the definition she gives her life. There is no woman who isn’t at risk of being taken advantage of by a man but as long as she is clear minded about what she wants, she will come out smelling roses at the end of the day. That your parents were unable to take care of you doesn’t excuse the kind of life you have elected to live. You made the choice from that early in life because you wanted to. There are girls from far less privileged families than yours but who resisted the urge to capitulate to the attraction of their bodies. Doubtless, you were too young to comprehend the complications of the choice you made back then but at 22, and going by the experiences you enumerated in your letter, you should by now know how to redefine your life. At your age, your parents are no longer to blame for the choices you make; you are your own caretaker. You cannot continue to cite the financial position of your parents as reason for the gradual destruction of your life. Judging by your story; it is in your interest to let go of this boy. He will end up destroying you as well as your self-esteem as a woman. Whether his family knows about his sons or not is immaterial to the matter at hand. What is: is the kind of life he has embraced. Can you cope with it? Will you ever be happy with a man who has no qualms shopping for women at every bus-stop and impregnating them at will? There are three kinds of people we come across in life. The ones good for us, always ready to offer assistance and support whenever needed; whose love is unconditional and are patient. There are those that don’t impact anything into our lives; they just come and go out of our lives without us having a recollection of them after they have left. Then, there are those that empty our lives of God’s goodness and blessings. They are the kind of people that take everything away from us, our prestige, dreams and self-esteem. Often than not, they leave very bitter taste in our mouths forever. These three categories of persons reflect in our relationships. As a girl, you will meet a man whose desire is to help you become someone in life, just as you will meet a man who has no impact whatsoever in your life. The last and dangerous, is the man who is out to devalue, bankrupt and empty your life of everything good. Unfortunately, those in the last category are the ones many young girls get stuck to. This is because they are the ones with the sweetest words and the most charm women love so much. A young girl not clear minded about what she wants, ends up wasting all her time pursuing shadows created by this kind of men in her life. This is precisely what you are doing with this young man. You are busy chasing shadows of love instead of stepping out and finding the real thing with a man who is focused. Whatever the politics he is playing with his age, the fact still remains he is too young to have children by two different women. What will he do when he is much older? A man who has vision doesn’t begin the journey of his life with this kind of lifestyle. He will never fully recover from it no matter how hard he tries because these women will eventually pull him down with their different demands and charms. The woman at home will never have the peace of mind to enjoy her marriage as a result of the presence of his other children as well as their mothers. Imagine having to deal with all his women throughout your lifetime? Are you prepared to share your man with different kinds of women? There is more to marriage than you think. Besides, this man has through his choice demonstrated your place in his life. Not picking your calls himself, the boldness at which the other girl in his life talks to you on the phone, his refusal to see you all point to one thing, he isn’t as interested in you as he did once. By letting him go, you show yourself that you have what it takes to stand again. Doubtless, it hurts when one’s love isn’t reciprocated but it is better to hurt for a while than to force yourself into a situation where you will never be happy. Perhaps if he is older and wiser, there could be a future for both of you but from my experience, a man who begins his life dancing around every available woman, not minding if she is younger or older than he is, ends up hurting every woman that comes his way. Even the one he loves, he destroys because it has become a way of life for him. There is no way you can know what life has in offer for you until you let go of this man. At 22, you are still young and very capable of attracting the right kind of man provided you have learnt from all these experiences. For now, don’t rush into any new relationship. You need to detoxify yourself emotionally. Right from the age of 13, you have gone into all the different kinds of wrong relationships. Your limited views of life as well as the wrong values you are placing on the front burner are the reasons you are making the choice of all the wrong men in town. First you need to find yourself again from the maze of confusion that is starring at you. Look into the mirror; can you recognize the lady standing before you? Is she all you hoped you will be in life? There is the need for you to go back to that little girl of 13 to find your dreams in her. Once the connection is made, it will be easier for you to focus more on your self development than having meaningless relationships. By the time you are ready to start dating again, it will be easier for you to avoid the wrong kind of men. For once, take charge of your life. Good luck.