He threatens to go for another wife…

Dear Agatha,

 Please counsel me on how to handle this situation I have found myself. In the month of July my husband and I performed our traditional marriage. We postponed the church wedding to a later date due to insufficient funds. 

To my dismay, I have not been able to get pregnant for reasons I don’t know. We have both gone for medical examinations and were certified fit to have babies. Ordinarily there shouldn’t be any reason to worry about given the fact that it is just three months after, but when I saw my period recently, he was worried like I was too.  

Seeing the line of worries on his face, I jokingly asked him what he will do if I am unable to be pregnant, he said we would adopt two children and that he would try having children with another woman since he can’t come to this world without having a child to call his own. He said if he is the one having the problem that he would give me permission to sleep with another man, get pregnant and bring the child to him as his. 

Though he already has a three-year-old son from a previous relationship, I know I will get pregnant provided I master my ovulation period. I have been pregnant before. But what if my husband is unable to wait for me to, and so goes about sleeping with other women? Do I take his statement as a warning signal? He is from the west and presently I know he isn’t cheating on me but I am bothered about what he said. 

I decided not to take him up on this statement but get through to you before I do that. Please help me.

Mary.

Dear Mary, 

For any marriage to work certain things are best ignored. Keep the information in your memory bank; use it to remind God of His promises to you. Nagging him over the issue would not change anything; instead it would complicate issues and cause problems between the two of you.No man likes to be nagged by a woman. Actually you should be grateful that he told you the truth. It showcases him as an honest minded man. Not many men would have been so blunt about such a sensitive issue. They would have told you lies, assurances that they would stand by you through the thick and thin, while they have the intentions of doing the exact opposite of what they told you.

Give it to this man, he holds you in high regard to have been so forthright. 

Besides it is too early in the day to worry about your inability to get pregnant. The danger of worrying about getting pregnant is the unnecessary delay you put on yourself. You simply have to forget worrying about it else you depreciate your ability to conceive on time. Anxieties are forbidden for the woman looking for the fruits of the womb. The fact that the issue is already generating mild problem between you and your husband shows that you have already allowed the bug of anxiety into your mind. Be assured that what you are passing through is normal. Not every woman takes in immediately. Because we were all not created equally, our lives are divinely patterned to glorify the name of God in our lives. At His appointed time as long as the doctors say you are both okay you will get pregnant. Besides, you must learn how to fight your marital battles on your knees, not through nagging or making a fuss about statements he makes. 

Since you know what his plans are what stops you from committing it into the hands of God? Being the creator of his heart, commit that heart of his to God, asking for compassion, understanding and the patience to stand by you until you get pregnant and begin to have your own children. Everything you want to tell your husband, take to God who knows and has the powers over everything.

If you decide to confront him on your own it boomerangs on you. Marriage is a journey of plenty of wisdom, caution, patience and a lot of prayers. Prayer is the weapon every woman needs to make the difference in her home. Make God the major partner in the home. When you get confused and angry on any issue, please take the issue to Him in prayers. The only warning is for you to be very close to God always.

Good luck.