Why do bad girls get good men?

With Auntie Agatha

gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Please help me. I don’t know what else to do. I grew up in a Christian home and made up my mind from an early age to avoid the many temptations girls my age enter when young.

Because of this decision, I was labeled anti-social by many of my school and classmates in both secondary school and the university.

While my mates rollicked and frolicked with different kinds of men, I kept my virginity for my future husband. 

I thought it would save me and my home from the different social vices destroying homes. After the euphoria of meeting me a virgin worse off, my husband started to complain about my inability to satisfy him in bed. 

From complaining about that he moved to my inexperience when it comes to social life. For instance, I don’t drink anything that has alcohol in it; for him it is a problem when we go out hence he has stopped taking me out because he is tired of explaining to his friends that I don’t drink.

The result is my marriage of less than 18 months is headed for the rocks. I was lucky to have gotten pregnant in the first few weeks of our marriage. Since putting to bed over six months ago, he has refused to come near me. When I pointed his attention to his neglect, he said, he doesn’t have the time to be my teacher.

Funny enough, the marriage of one of my school mates, notorious for her escapades is doing very well. She and her husband are always seen together. When I called her to complain of what I’m going through, she laughed and told me that her husband cannot do with her because of what he is getting from her. She said she acquired enough experiences as a single lady to keep her man tied to her side forever. 

I’m writing to you because of the information I have that my husband has gone back to his ex, one of the bad girls in our school in those days. For the first time, he beat me up and dared me to do my worst. He said, she was more of a woman than I would ever be.

The sad thing is, I don’t even know how to handle this. 

I love my husband and don’t want to lose him to any woman.

Please help me with useful tips on how to make him want me because I can’t discuss it with my mother who will only add to my problems by calling me different names and proceed to give me lectures on why a woman must never hunger after sex. She simply won’t understand my reasons. I cannot also go to my friends because they will only laugh at me. Why do good girls have all the problems in their marriages while the notorious bad ones have all the good luck? It isn’t fair because I worked hard to keep myself for my husband.

Jummy.

Dear Jummy,

Life has never been known to be fair on anyone. It is a journey of struggles, choices and good luck.

Those girls you tag as being notorious and bad are also not without a vision for their lives. Many of them learnt vital lessons from their wild days. Good girls, too can be very happy in their homes once they accept one vital fact; a woman’s place in her husband’s house is to make him happy both inside and outside the bedroom. Virginity is a precious gift to any man but the woman, once she gets married must be ready to learn and accept that sex is useful to the sustainability of any marriage. Often than not, the problem comes when the woman wants to continue to live as if sex is a just a necessity to an end and not a tool of enhancement and satisfaction in a marriage.

Truthfully, it isn’t the virginity that is the problem but the attitude that the particular woman brings into her marriage. If she is coming with the attitude that the man has to thank her for giving him something so precious and sex for her should be treated with a kind of sacredness, then she risks running into trouble but, if after giving up her virginity to her husband, she signals her readiness to explore all the excitements that accomplish sex in marriage, she opens herself to be taught by her husband.

Once a woman is married, there is no more mystery to sex. She must fully embrace it, take it and also give it, to enable her and her husband come to full appreciation for this special gift.

But by continuing to live as if a virgin after the wedding night, can really be boring for a man who is used to sex or has the mind of an explorer.

The mind of a man is excited by the things he sees. Being in love has never stopped a man from being tempted. It becomes very difficult for the man to be sensible if he isn’t get quality sex at home. For some men it can be very frustrating. Since your husband has told what the issue is in your marriage, then you have something to work on.

You may have married as a virgin but I’m sure your days in the university left you with some sense of fashion and a broadness of mind.

By now you should be able to tell with pin point accuracy how your husband wants you to act in bed. If you don’t know by now, then you have a lot of work ahead of you. It means you haven’t done anything at all to ameliorate and diffuse the sexual tension brewing in your home; the reason your husband has found solace in the arms of another woman.

There are so many ways to win back a promiscuous husband. One of such ways is to take a look at your rival with a view of knowing the advantage she has over you.

Since your husband has already strayed, it will take more than sex to bring him back. You have to first engage his interest in you as a woman before you can show him your new found confidence in the bedroom.

This means dressing to please him. You have to deploy every method you know as a woman to attract his interest in you. The essence of this is quite simple; once he senses a shift in your dress sense to something more attractive and sexy, he becomes not just interested but frightened that another man may find you beautiful enough to approach you for a relationship.

To forestall that, he would begin to pay you attention all over again. Once this happens, ensure you utilize your license as his wife to trap him forever by cooking his favorite food; something you should get from your mother-in-law. Tell her you want to impress her son hence needs her help in teaching you how to make his favorite. For the first time, buy the ingredients and take them to her while you watch how she makes it.

Follow this up by reading books on how to achieve the sex of your dreams. Sex is as natural as the air we take in. it is a matter of allowing your natural instincts take over. Don’t debate anything; just move with the tide inside of you. Forget about the boundaries you once erected; they are no longer necessary; scale that invisible wall to the other side and see what life has to offer. Most of the time, we are the stumbling blocks to our breakthroughs in life.

There is nothing your husband is looking for in another woman that you don’t have. It is just that you are yet to discover your strength as a woman.

Men like your husband can only help you only after you have done your bit. It is only then you can keep your husband to yourself. There is no teacher like experience.

Also learn to pray for the peace of your home.

Good luck.