She is into lesbianism

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 Dear Agatha,

I like the quality of advice you give and feel that you might also help me with my situation.

I have been married to a woman I thought I deeply loved.

I’m a graduate with a master degree in business administration and self employed.

We have a very beautiful home and two cars. We are also blessed with three boys and whenever resources permit, we travel overseas for holidays.

I have suddenly discovered that my wife doesn’t listen to my advice or take me serious. She is never at home and I have become the most lonely married man. She prefers to hang out with her friends and if possible, remain with them at the slightest opportunity. I have tried to stop this but to no avail.

I have become both father and mother to our children; taking them to school and church. She only comes to church when she makes a new dress.

To be frank no member of my family has any affinity with her. None of them comes for visit because of my wife’s attitude. I have protested, even sending her friends out of the house but nothing has changed.

She owes a boutique where all manner of people come to. I sent her to the university but she came back without a certificate to show for it.

I recently met with a pastor who told me that my wife was into lesbian relationships and would need divine intervention to come out of. When I spoke with her about it she admitted being into it when she was in secondary school and that she has stopped.

I’m worried because all her friends appear to be her lovers.

I don’t have peace of mind any more. Recently one of her brothers told me his sister has always been a lesbian and that one friend she said she would visit during her planned visit to the United States is one of her lovers.

I’m fed up. We are Catholics and divorce is forbidden.

In this circumstance, what do I do? I get easily irritated by her and want to keep my distance. I don’t trust her one bit.

Please give me your sincere advice.

Worried Husband.

Dear Worried Husband,

One of the greatest challenges facing modern marriages is the issue of homosexuality, painfully being helped by the permissiveness of the Western world.

Our penchant here to wholesomely copy western values without questions isn’t also helping matters especially as they relate to our traditional value system. Agonizingly, the marriage institution is the one suffering the most.

Situation as you have described, takes absolute caution and wisdom to overcome. Your solution is in the strength of your love for your family. If you peg it only on what you currently feels for your wife, you will never have that extra determination to make it work at all cost.

You have to extend your solutions to the welfare and feelings of your sons who from the age of your marriage still need the presence of their mother. Also, you have to consider the psychological complications on your children should your marriage break up at a time you are clearly ill-equipped emotionally to fathom why she is the way she is.

This is what you should market to her. You have to have very strong shock absorbers to wrestle your home from the abyss it is headed to.

This is the time in your marriage when you have to face the truth about certain signs you ignored in the past, accept your faults in the prevailing situation in your home with a view of sourcing for solutions around her habit.

If her family member confirmed her membership of the homosexual club; then she didn’t develop the habit in your house. This means the problem has always been in your relationship but you just didn’t know because you either were naïve in detecting the signs or ignored them because you thought whatever the budding challenge was then, you could deal with it.

The truth is, a problem such as the one you described usually presents itself very early in the life of a relationship. You should have known or seen some of the signs when you were dating.

Back then, who were her closest friends; how did she and these friends conduct themselves? If truly she has been a lesbian from school, then her lovers would still be around her. Who among these friends has been in her life since you married her and who appears to be jealous of you; who for no explicable reasons, simply doesn’t agree with you in everything and who despite her hostility to you, has remained firm in her life?

If she has a friend like that; one who appears so close to her; one whose reason for their being friendship, you cannot define, you might need to call that friend for discussion. This isn’t time for you to be expressive about your dislike for these kinds of friends; rather, it is the time to play your wisdom card by appearing to be solicitous and needing of their help.

Although they are women, don’t forget they are your rivals for the heart of the woman who is your wife and the mother of your children.

The fact that you are worried about her, concerned about the company she keeps tells a story of a man who despite everything, is still in love with his wife. Deny it all you like but the truth is, you do. So, in seeking audience with this woman, be careful you don’t hurt her with your attitude of condemnation because she has the power to make things more difficult between you and your wife.

By deliberately engaging her company when they know she should be at home with you and her children, is to inform you of the hold they have over her. This is in reaction to your hostility towards them. It was a very big error because women lovers can be very vicious and domineering when it comes to protecting their territory.

By offering her main woman; the olive branch, you open the path for negotiation between you and them. But first, you have to know if your wife is the male or female in their relationship. This would inform the kinds of things to say to this friend of hers. If she is the female, be prepared to for some scratches and visible claws.

But she would eventually thaw enough to listen to you and listen to what your offers are. You may have to promise her some monetary settlement to water down her influence over your wife. If she is still single; it means she is a chronic lesbian in which case, you may have to part with some hefty money to relocate her and a combination of threats and pleas to let your woman be.

If she is the male; it is going to be a battle of egoism and the traditional male desire to stamp authority of ownership. This means, money won’t work with her because to be the male, she must have the means to sustain such relationship. You therefore have to rely so much on your skill as a business administrator to negotiate the freedom of your wife and home from her.

In all, you must find ways of getting close to your wife again. If possible, devote more time to her; going to be with her in the shop; taking her out on impromptu outings, becoming more loving; finding out new ways she wants to be loved; this means giving her the freedom to explore in the bedroom and organizing family outings to show her the other side of life.

It is also a period for both of you to sit down and discuss your early lives before you met; sometimes, habits like this develop when the adults in our lives become so unreasonable and hostile. Usually it is to escape notice from overbearing adults that habits like this evolve. By taking her to her past; that is if you can find the pleasantness of mind to overcome your current irritations at her way of life, you maybe able to help wean of this habit.

At times, it is a very simple matter of making them see reason as well as the quality of love waiting for them when they come out of their mindless quest to destroy themselves.

This is the time to also enlist your children; let them suffocate her with their presence, ask her questions like why she is not always around them like the mothers of their friends, why she appears to prefer the company of her friends to them and how she would be all alone when all these friends leave her one day; will help her begin to consider issues she never thought were important. Hearing you confess your love and her children reminding her of the most important things in life, will eventually make her see reasons. Just learn to be patient and tolerant.

If you know there is nothing God cannot do, stand in gap for your woman. Pray for her deliverance so you can enjoy your marriage.

Also acknowledge that the fault may also have come from you during the years you were trying to build your business.

Good luck.