Dear Agatha,
I was 13 early this month. I started experiencing my monthly flow when I was 10. Although I’m still a virgin, a lot of my classmates aren’t. My best friend, whose boyfriend is in SS1 and who just got rid of her big V, says it is wonderful to be in love. I’m currently in JSS 2.
Despite having a boyfriend too who is also in SS1, I don’t know the signs to look out for that will tell me if I’m in love.
Yes, I like the company of my boyfriend very much and have even allowed him to fondle my breasts. His touch does something to me. My friend says this is love, but I don’t know if it is really the real thing.
We have fixed a date to go to the movies for the end of this month after which I would give up my big V; I want to know what to look out for to make sure I’m truly in love with him.
Again, is it right to watch sex movies and use vibrators? My friends say they add fun to sex. What do you think?
I want you to reply my mail privately because I don’t want my parents finding out about this.
Confused School Girl.
Dear Confused School Girl,
I deliberately ignored your request for a private mail and didn’t ask for your permission before publishing this because of the shocking content of your mail.
If at just 13, you and your friends are already this far gone and entrenched in sex related matters; I shudder with trepidation and profound sorrow at what the future holds for the girls who would be wives and mothers someday.
Not even the shock absorbers I have developed over the years since I started handling this column are equipped to handle the kinds of things that went through my brain when I first read this mail.
Even though I toyed with the idea of publishing your name so that your parents can help you out of this situation modern technology and permissiveness has put you, being a mother, I decided to offer you some protection with the hope that you would do the right thing after reading my response.
Also check your mail for the personal letter I wrote to you as a friend and mother who wants the best for you.
Like I mentioned in my letter to you, I won’t beat about the bush because you have lost the innocence associated with your age.
At 13, you have no business with boyfriends and sex at all. Apart from the social implications to your future, health wise, your body may not have matured enough to handle the consequences of having sex. This is because we all mature differently.
While your friends may not suffer any complication from their adventure, you may not be that lucky if your womb and pelvic are still tender and very premature to withstand the rigors of sexual activities. If mature women experience leaks from being handled roughly by their partners, what do you think would be your fate, if you are subjected to such treatment by your so-called boyfriend?
Have you heard about Vesico Vaginal Fistula (VVF) or Recto Vaginal Fistula (RVF). These are holes between either the rectum or vaginal walls and the large intestine or bladder.
These can occur as a result of premature sexual activities or when a young girl gets pregnant and has to go through the process of childbirth. When this condition occurs, the woman leaks urine or human waste uncontrollably. Although it can be repaired medically, but between the process of repair and the situation, she is forced to use diapers. Is this the kind of life you want?
Unfortunately, the woman is the one left to carry the shame of a venture that involved her and a man. This is why young girls like you should stay away from premature sex. Apart from the many medical conditions that could occur, there is also the angle of you damaging your womb in your bid to prevent pregnancy. Once a woman becomes sexually active, she has to keep worrying about not getting pregnant.
And because the age you are in is one that requires you to prevent pregnancy at all cost, you shall be exposing yourself to every manner of medication mostly brash and acidic means of birth control, children your age have developed to keep pregnancy at bay. Painfully the boy at the centre of it, walks away without any repercussions while the foolish young girl either dies in the process or gets her womb damaged for life.
Is giving this boy your virginity worth you destroying your future ability to be a mother? Is this boy worth you sacrificing your life for? What if it results into pregnancy? Do you think he would also stop schooling like you would be forced by your condition to do?
He won’t, my dear child. He will continue schooling while you drop out of school to nurse the child. You would be the one at home, who has the tag of ‘an after one’ and whose friends would all leave behind in their academic pursuits. You know the funny thing my dear; your friends may not have any of your challenges. Often than not, it is children like you, who get pressured by friends to be naughty that get damaged for life. The friends urging you to try their way of life often escape without any emotional or physical injuries.
Therefore, don’t be fooled into doing what they are doing. Tell that young man of yours that you are not going anywhere with him and cut those friends of yours off. They are not good for you at all. If you continue to stay around them, chances are you may not finish your education.
At 13, you are nothing but a child. Nothing in your physical and emotional make up is ready for anything sex. Your age is to read and pass your examinations. This is your foundational stage in life; the time a wise and focused young girl uses in fetching plenty of good water to prosper her field in life. Your grass of progress can only remain permanently green if you know how to section your life well now.
Tell your friends, that sex can wait, but not your education and quest to be the best in your generation. Every young girl has it in her to make it in life; the only barrier is you.
Nothing stops you from aiming to be the president of this country if you so wish; but it won’t happen if your records are with blemishes like the one you are currently shopping for. A woman who wants to occupy very important positions in life must be one with clean records since she would be a role model for youths. You cannot rank among such women if you get pregnant at 13, no matter how brilliant you become.
Love and sex, my dear child can never be out of fashion. When you are of the right age, they give respect and honour to a woman.
Tell your friends that you want to be different from them all by refusing to follow the band wagon. Do you know you can positively influence them to change their ways? You can do that by resisting their wayward choice. Make it clear, you will stop following in their company because your reason for being in school is to make it in life and not to end up becoming a sex tool to any boy or man.
It is wrong to watch, engage in anything sexual at your age. What you need are determination and focus on the right things.
You will know you are ready for love when you are all grown up and matured enough to resist the sweet-coated tongues of men. You will also know a man is the right one when he doesn’t insist on sex before marriage.
Good luck.
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