I want him to be my first

Dear Agatha, Please help me out of this shame. For a year and two months, I have been in a relationship with this man. About two weeks ago, I asked him to help me out with some money because I was broke. He told me he didn’t have because things weren’t very good for him financially. I understood, because even when I didn’t solicit for money he would give; all of a sudden his attitude towards me changed and he also started accusing me of pretending to be in love with him; an accusation that has no basis. He stopped calling me for three days. I had to write him a letter reassuring him of my love. In that letter, I got angry and asked him if that is how he would go about accusing falsely when we get married. I also told him that since he lacked confidence in my love, we should stop seeing each other. Of a truth, I wasn’t serious about my threats. He didn’t call me for three weeks despite the fact I was constantly sending text messages begging him to forgive me. He eventually picked my call only to inform me that he was no longer interested in me. He said, I was free to go with anybody I desired. I don’t know what to do: he is my first love and I want him to be the man that will deflower me. Help me, I am dying silently. Heart broken Girl. Dear Heart broken Girl, In matters of the heart, you don’t choose love rather, it does the selection. It decides who it wants to be paired with which, is why you must not try to enforce him to love you at all cost. Rather than pine away in agony and despair over what he has said, ask a friend of yours known to him to go and try to talk to him on your behalf. Let her find out from him why he changed his mind about you and what informed his decision to conclude about his relationship with you. If the friend can, let her plead your case with a promise that whatever his grouses are against you shall be handled by her. But it is also important you admit your shortcomings in all these. Often than not, we are quick at shifting the entire blame of our disappointment or hurt on everybody but, us. In your hurt, you could have said one or two unpalatable things to him without considering the far reaching implications of doing or saying so. Besides, why would you give him an ultimatum when you know he means the world to you? Not everyman likes to be pushed to the corner. He would think you did that because he could not give you the money you asked for. Men don’t like being broke and often react negatively when put under pressure. The tone of your letter could have set him thinking in another direction you never intended in your letter. Unless you are given the chance to explain yourself better, he may escape with the wrong impression that you lack what it takes to be a good woman. But, if he has made up his mind not to continue with the relationship, allow him be even though it will cost you some emotional pains. There are certain things you don’t force in life, love is one of them. Like life itself, every relationship is a kind of classroom. We learn and take away that which is important to our next stage in life. There is nothing you can do about it if God hasn’t paired both of you. There is an adage that says only those who appreciate Kola-nut cover it with leaves. The uninitiated expose it to the elements of weather to destroy its essence. If this man isn’t meant for you, your virginity would at the end of the mean nothing to him whereas; the man who is yours will forever cherish your special gift to him. Stop worrying and allow God do His work. Good luck. After five years, he says I am not good enough Dear Agatha, My heart is heavy. I have just been jilted by the man I gave my virginity and my life to. For five years, I waited patiently for him to establish himself after graduation. While we were in school, I funded him from my business money. I was into buying and selling of clothes and foodstuff while at the university so I always had money and food. Although, older than I am, I graduated a year before him because he had a carry over. Despite pressures from my friends and family members, I decided to wait for him to finish and even influenced his employment through my friend’s father. Along the line I got pregnant and didn’t notice until it was too late for me to abort it, so we had the baby, a boy. I didn’t mind having our child because I thought we were destined for the altar. And just when I thought we were about to finally making things official, he dropped the bombshell that he has fallen in love with someone else. There is nothing his friends, family members didn’t say to make him change his mind, he insisted on dumping me: he described me as being too old and not good enough for him. Where do I start from? I just want to die and leave this world alone. I can’t endure the shame of everything; and all for nothing. All I ever did wrong was to love him with everything that makes me a woman. Agatha, I need your strong shoulders to lean on please help me. Calestina. Dear Calestina, I feel your pains and disappointments but God knows everything. In His time and season, you will get to find out that what you assumed to be the real thing was actually fake. Most times, what we assume to be the best for us, are usually not what God wants for us. If this man were yours, he wouldn’t have left you for another woman. Having that child was the reason both of you came together; the reason you must pull yourself together to care for your son. That boy has given you a reason to live; a reason to thank God that all your waiting and investment on your ex weren’t in vain. The presence of that child underscores God knowledge in all that happened between the two of you. No matter where he goes, who he ends up marrying, he will never forget that he has a son somewhere. Whatever your personal challenges maybe, set them aside and be the mother that child needs now. The reality of a woman’s life is that motherhood doesn’t recognize or excuse a hurting heart. That boy needs you to care and love him unconditionally. See him as your compensation for all the years and emotions you invested in his father. Being a woman and having gone through emotional pains, disappointments and aches, I can tell you they don’t last forever; around the corner is always God’s brightest sunshine and bluest clouds to usher one into another experience. The problem with most people is summoning the strength and courage to begin afresh. As a matter of fact you should be happy he didn’t leave you stranded on the altar or that this didn’t happen after the wedding ceremony. Even if you are already a mother, it doesn’t compare to having the record of a failed marriage this early in life. often than not, the society unfairly blames the woman for a broken home irrespective of the situation that led to it. For this reason, learn to appreciate God because He is clearly on his Throne in your life. To avoid too many questions, move away from familiar environment to a place where nobody knows you. Go with your son, his presence will help to heal you. Trust me, the presence of a child is always a soothing balm for broken heart; they will never give you the chance to go into depression. Furthermore, if you kill yourself, what would be your testimony and the fate of that innocent life you brought into this world? Once you trust God and are willing to let Him play His perfect role in your life, you will be surprised at the quality of man waiting to grace your life and soul. Painful as it might seem today, thank God for removing this man your love may never have given you the courage to remove from your life. The truth is, you were too blinded by your determination to get married to him that you didn’t see the signs he has been giving you. he simply used you to get what he wanted out of life. Such a man would never have made a good husband to you. the more reason you should thank God and pray He sends a man who will care for you as a man should for his woman. Good luck.