When is it right for a girl to have a boyfriend?

Dear Agatha, I am 18 and already being asked out by different men, both young and old. When I was 16, I had an adventure with a man, my lesson teacher which almost ruined my life. He tricked me into sleeping with him with the promise that a woman doesn’t get pregnant by doing it once. But for the help of my elder sister, my mother would have discovered I was three months pregnant. The worst thing is I didn’t know and when I went to inform him about my state, he denied me. It was my elder sister I turned to who took me to a doctor. As a result of the experience, I stayed off men until now that demand from men is almost choking. Besides, I am in two hundred levels. I want to know if it is alright to date men now and how I can avoid getting pregnant. I also want to know how to avoid sexual harassment from lecturers some who are already threatening to fail me if I don’t play ball. A lot of my friends are doing it and not hiding the fact they are using their bodies to pass examinations. I want to be guided by you. Also, at what age is it permissible for a young girl to go into a relationship? Juile. Dear Julie, First and foremost, be focused. It is essential you know what you have gone to school to do. It isn’t just about passing but, being able to defend your certificate. There are a lot of people who claim to be graduates but are no better than illiterates. At the end of the day, they not only embarrass themselves but call to question the image and prestige of the schools they claim they graduated from. As a young lady, always stand firm in the belief that you can be the best without compromising yourself. Refuse to be intimidated and if a lecturer persists or threatens to fail you on account of your refusal to sleep with him, you have various options available to you in checkmating him. This is why we have, the university senate, human rights activists and the media. Granted it could make you somehow unpopular among lecturers in your school but it would deter other lecturers from preying on the bodies of their female students. Because friends will always be part of your life, you must discover your own strength; carve a niche for yourself as well as the techniques of being your own person. Rather than be a part of the crowd, learn to be different and lead the crowd instead. Always remember, you are not your friends hence you must not behave like them at all. They are behaving that way because they are comfortable with the situation so why do something you are not comfortable with? Your example can help those friends of yours who have been brain washed to think they don’t have any choice in the matter know what their options are. Furthermore, you would be helping to preserve the integrity of the school in more ways than those randy lecturers realize. Like you have found out from your early experience; unplanned sexual escapades often than not, result in severe consequences for the girl. You got pregnant and would have ruined your future simply because one man deceived you into having sex with him by lying to you that a woman cannot get pregnant if she has sex once with a man. Although that abortion you did could have cost you your life, damaged your womb, that you are alive today is God’s grace. Don’t abuse it by taking unnecessary risks that could further devalue your womb as a woman. Go into a relationship with the right attitude. At 18 and in the university, you have attained maturity. This isn’t by age but what you have been able to achieve in terms of educational advancement. There are a lot of young girls older than you who can’t go into relationships because of their lack of credentials to do so. You are free to do so because in addition to getting an education in the university, it is also an opportunity for both young men and women to find their life partners. At this stage in your life, it will be unfair to ask you not to have a boyfriend. But in having one, ensure he aligns with your dreams for yourself. Many a time, the wrong company derails. Therefore, you need to be clear minded and headed in arriving at the right man for you. To ensure you come close to the right choice; first investigate who you are. To get it right be very honest with who you are. Don’t out of a desire to have a man in your life at all cost, date a man who lacks what it takes to make the real you happy or help you achieve your dreams in life. There are different kinds of men out there just like we have all sorts of women. In life there are those who help one grow and those who are experts at destroying others. For you to discover who any man is, don’t give in to sex. Begin by being friends with the man to enable you discover who he really is. Any man that puts too much sexual pressures on you or tells you that it demonstrates your love for him; keep such man at arm’s length. Any man who is in love with a woman doesn’t put sexual pressures on her. He allows things to happen naturally. Because relationship goes beyond sex, the man must be a good companion who never gets tired of offering assistance whenever you need it. He must also be the kind of man who is patient, trustworthy and respects you. In addition, he should be interested in your growth as a person. This includes sharing in your dreams and offering your ideas to further enhance your dreams. As a young lady desirous of making it in life, begin this early to place things in the hands of God. It is important to prevent you making mistakes in life. Good luck.