I am afraid to approach her

Dear Agatha, I like your responses to the questions people always ask you. This is why your column has become my weekly guide. I am a boy of 26 years of age. I finished secondary school since 2009 and still struggling to gain admission into a university. However, I have a thriving computer business as well managing a petrol station. Despite my modest achievements, I don’t have any female friend not to talk of a girlfriend. Recently I met a lady in my church I like and wish would become my wife. But she is a banker. From all indices she is better educated than I am as well as richer in terms of finance. The only thing I have more than her are the number of years I have spent on earth. Despite my limitations, I have this great passion for her. I want her to become the mother of my children but I am afraid to make an advance to her since I don’t want to be embarrassed by her. I don’t want her to hate me and jeopardize my chances with her. Daily, it is becoming difficult for me to control my feelings for her. What I feel for her is so strong that I am just confused; I don’t know what to do again. Please what is your advice for me because each time I sight her, my love becomes stronger. I don’t want anything that will hurt my life. Please enlighten me because I need your help. Image of God. Dear Image of God, Love isn’t mathematics. It has a way of happening in very odd situations. So don’t be discouraged by all her seeming finer points. Those things could just be her camouflage; deep inside her, she may not be as happy as those things project her to be. However, you also have to be more serious about your educational pursuit. Granted you have been able to establish yourself but as a man and in order for you to move beyond this point in life, there is the need to be more proactive in terms of gaining admission to the university. At 26, you are actually wasting your time sitting for the Joint Admission Matriculation examinations. Apply for a part-time program in a university nearest to you. The cost maybe more prohibitive than the regular class but, it will resolve the problem of your complex among your peers or associates. As for the lady, there is no harm in approaching her as a friend. It is a simple matter of saying “how are you”, since you both attend the same church. If she is snobbish, it means she isn’t good enough for you but, if she responds, tell her your name and ask for hers as a way of establishing some sorts of familiarity. Don’t rush into declaring your feelings for her. First, get to study her kind of person and attitudes. As friends, you get the opportunity of knowing her at close quarters. If she responds positively to your greetings and offer of friendship, ensure she gets to know about your educational background, your business as well as plans to improve your education. Don’t wait until things get deep before opening up on your limitations. Exposing yourself to her is giving her the necessary information to help make up her mind about you even before you tell her how you feel. When telling her about your educational background, watch out for her reaction to the news as well as attitude towards you thereafter. If she continues to be friendly, you could after a while tell her how you feel about her but if she avoids your company, consider her the wrong woman for you and move on. Every rejection a man suffers from a woman; there are more than five willing women on queue. If you are unwilling to experience pains, disappointments and embarrassment from women, then you aren’t prepared to have a viable relationship with a woman in life. Heartbreaks and disappointments go with approaching a woman. The is because it is the only opportunity most women have to make the men sweat for them, they play hard to get, even when she is interested. So if you on account of protecting your heart from breaking refuse to approach a woman, you might end up with a woman who is too desperate to get married hence ready to do anything to hook a man. These women are the ones who after marriage, become monsters and the heartbreak you are running from will become a permanent resident in your marriage. Nothing good comes easy. There is always a price to pay for finding a good wife. So ignore the fear of rejection and move on with your quest to find out if this woman is your missing rib. In addition you must summon the courage to talk to women. You cannot continue to live in isolation of women. Men and women were designed by God to interact. That you have a woman as a friend doesn’t mean you are in a romantic relationship with her. Whatever may have informed your inability to talk to women or have them as friends; must be dealt with by you. One of the questions you must find an answer to, is why you are afraid of women? You cannot reach the age of 26, without having had a girlfriend. For you to really appreciate and settle down well into a relationship, you must know how to take care of a woman. This comes from knowing what the psychology of the average woman is. Love isn’t accomplished by what you feel alone, it must be supported by the attitude and concern invested into the other person. Good luck.