My man friend turns out to be my husband’s cousin…

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, About eight months ago, I was having a challenge in my home. My husband wasn’t sleeping with me anymore, so I told my best friend about it. She told me to go out and have sex with another man when the situation was becoming too unbearable for me. According to her, it would help reduce the tension in my body and home. At that point, I was ready for anything because my body could no longer bear it. I know from her own experience what she is doing to relieve tension. Her husband is the kind of man who hardly has time for her. As a result she has a man friend on the side that does the job of relieving her of the tension in her body. She arranged the friend of her own man friend for me. This man has been asking me out for a long time, so it was a good opportunity for both of us. My marriage is only three years old, so the chances of me knowing all his friends and relatives were slim. Besides, we only courted for six months. We got married when I got pregnant. We didn’t want my parents or his to know about my state of being, devoted Christians. Agatha, how was I to know that the man I have been sleeping with outside my home is my husband’s first cousin? You can imagine my surprise when my husband and this man walked into my living room about two weeks ago. I almost fainted when my husband introduced the man as his first cousin with whom he lost touch several years ago due to family problems. I managed to play my role that day. Although, he called me that night to assure me he would never reveal our relationship to my husband, and that he will never bother me again. I am however afraid because of my feelings for him. More so, my husband has invited him over to stay with us while in the country. He actually came from his base in South Africa to supervise a project for his company. Until he met my husband again, he was putting up in a hotel. Besides, I have come to enjoy his company so much I don’t miss my husband at all anymore. But the fear now is that his partners he came with are aware of our relationship. What if they go and inform my husband about his cousin and I? What do I do, Agatha? My friend thinks I should continue since my husband and I are yet to settle whatever the problem is. I have stopped asking him to share my bed. I need help since I don’t want to be sleeping with different men as a married woman. Gabriella. Dear Gabriella, What do you hope to achieve by destroying your home? Isn’t it enough that the man that you are having an affair with is your husband’s cousin? Isn’t the fact that you were nearly caught enough for you to repent and do whatever you have to do to resolve the issue in your marriage? What kind of woman leaves her home burning while she flirts around like a butterfly? Is sleeping around a panacea to the issue in your marriage? How has having an affair solved the problem of your husband not sleeping with you? No matter how good how much of an expert he is in the bedroom, you can never advertise your relationship or the satisfaction you are getting from him as a woman. Whatever it is you are having with him, it remains a hidden pleasure; something you cannot proclaim to anybody apart from this friend who appears determined to push you to your marital doom. Somehow, God appears to be giving you the chance to repent and move closer to your husband. The fact this cousin of your husband is determined to end the relationship without informing his brother about your irresponsible conduct should have made you give everything up and think of how to make your husband happy. There is no denying the fact that sex is addictive and very enjoyable, but as a married woman, your body, mind and soul belong to your husband. If he isn’t having sex with you, the right thing is to ask him why he is avoiding you. Granted his behaviour is provocative but your solution will only expose you to ridicule and blame in the long run. A good wife finds way of building her home and not destroying it. Just think, if this man were one of those that kiss and tell; what would have happened to you on that day he walked into your home with your husband? Most men have killed their wives for lesser offences. If you are wise, discontinue your association with your friend. The fact that your friend appears to be getting away with her game doesn’t make it right or that you will be that lucky. Use the opportunity God has given you to sit down to reflect on the value of your life and home. No matter how the roads get bumpy and thorny in a marriage, it is the woman that endures the pains to gather all the pieces together again. Don’t allow your friend to destroy what is left of your home. Let her know that her solution isn’t the kind you want anymore in your marriage and life. What explanations would you give your husband if you contract a sexually transmitted disease from one of your male lovers or accidentally get pregnant? As long as you haven’t made up your mind to end the marriage, still determined to stay in it, it behooves you to make it work at all cost. Sleeping around has never been known to solve any marital problem. Instead it will complicate things for you. Nobody will give you a chance to explain what led you into it. A woman is expected to be more circumventing when it comes to the issue of extramarital affair. The true character of a marriage is the kind of sacrifices and challenges we are able to overcome. Go back to your drawing table and do a thorough x-ray of the many things that could have gone wrong. Fortunately you have a history together. No matter how short your courtship was you must have noticed one or two things about him. After staying with him for about three years, you ought to know by now what makes him happy as well as that thing that makes him unhappy. If you cast your mind back, you should know at what point your husband lost interest in you and your body. What you need to ask yourself is why? What has been the persistent issue in your marriage until this development? Can you cast your mind back? Has he ever complained of anything about your body, comportment and attitude to sex? Is he crazy about sex as much as you or does he want something you cannot give? If you were to score your sex life with your husband, how would you grade it? Sincerely, what do you miss most about not having sex with him anymore? From experience, only a sincere heart can unravel this mystery in your marriage. Your husband may not want to talk about it but if you know how to worm your way into the right part of his heart, you will get to the root of the problem, something running from the arm of different men will never be able to achieve. One of the ways to make him talk is to cook his favourite meal. Ensure you have his undivided attention, go on your knees and ask him to forgive whatever offence you might have committed to make him shun your bed. Whatever it will cost you, bury your pride and really beg for his forgiveness. Even if he was the wrong one, the fact that you have been unfaithful to him makes you now the guilty party. Even though you will never be able to tell him the things you did behind him, begging him from the depth of your heart will go a long way in helping your home recover from this mess fast enveloping your home. In begging him, ask him what he wants you to do to make him happy. Remind him of the reasons he married you and you him. Follow this by wearing the most naughty nightgowns, the kind no man can resist. Your objective is to first of all get him to be intimate with you. Once this is accomplished, it would be easier for both of you to talk about the real issue in your marriage. You must however ask God for forgiveness, because no matter what, you have stepped out of line. From this point, hold on to Him and avoid people that are like this friend of yours. As for his cousin, you could appeal to him not to take up your husband’s offer for the sake of both of you. I am sure from his conduct and attitude, he would not want to risk another family war between the two of them. Good luck.