My husband is no longer interested in me sexually

With Agatha Edo , Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Please I need your advice. I have been married for five years. My marriage is blessed with two children. Recently, my husband stopped asking for sex. He gets angry at everything I do and I keep apologising for nothing. Now, I am tired so I want to avoid him too. What do you think? I strongly think he is seeing another woman. Worried Wife. Dear Worried Wife, Although this is often difficult to admit but over 90 percent of marriages have your kind of challenge. It takes the grace of God for a man to remain faithful to his vows. The struggle of the average man to stay true to his vows is getting more complex with the growing lack of moral values among both married and single women. Therefore, if your husband is straying, don’t get too upset rather, pretend your marriage is going through a phase of life for which you must put extra efforts to make it work. At just five years, it is too early for you to cave in to any threat. And one way to make this marriage work for you is to delete the worry of other women from your list of challenges. As long as you cover your flanks properly, you really have very little to fear in the long run. One secret, women whose marriages have endured, is never to allow another woman take over their homes. Other problems may cause a separation but allowing another woman take over your man and home is something you must fight with everything God has given you as a woman. This man is your husband; meaning you have a hold over him no other woman has. As a single man, you were not the first and only woman he came across. He saw, dated and probably thought of marrying other women before he met and settled for you. That in itself puts you head and shoulders above every other woman that has come into his life and would ever come. These women will remain transient visitors in his life. For this reason, as well as being the mother of his children, ignore all the signs that another woman is in his life. You definitely don’t have any problems with her. Sincerely, she isn’t an issue if you know how to play your cards well. However, she becomes a real one if you neglect the important things, nagging your husband and elevating her to be the real challenge. So what, if he isn’t having sex with you now? Yes, painful and emotionally traumatising but not insurmountable. To get round this problem, it is essential you tackle it right from the foundation. What was it like in your early days of marriage? Precisely, has sex been wonderful and adventurous between the two of you? And outside the bedroom, what are you like? If you were a man, would you enjoy being married to a woman with your character and attitude? Are you neat enough for him? What kind of respect and honour do you accord your husband? Are you the kind of woman who can’t be bothered how she addresses her man in the presence of visitors and family members? Do you bother about his food, home and appearance? Or are you too busy that you forget that you have a man who needs and desires your company? Do you belong to the category of women who once they start having children elevate their children above their husbands? They think the children deserve their attention more than their husbands? Is your husband your best friend or just someone you are sharing your space with? For some couples, intimacy and friendly discussion ends once they sign the dotted lines. How many times have you gone out of your way to ask him about his work, worries and fears or ask him how he feels about his job? What about your appearance? Do you still have a lot of the lady he married? Has your behaviour changed so dramatically that he can hardly recognise the woman he married in the woman that now graces his home? Most of the time women make the mistake of ignoring their husbands to the point of losing them in the process of daily living. We often think we need more attention than men when in the real sense, men need attention, though try to pretend they are stronger emotionally. Some of the time, their quietness or distance is a signal that they are going through severe emotional stress. This is the time a woman who is wise, steps in to be his mother and best friend. This is the reason God made us man and woman; a pair to comfort each other. In His wisdom, God has given the woman the extra shock absorbers to absorb all that life throws at us with ease. A woman’s quick ability to cry, relieves her of the emotional burden men carry around. This is why most women outlive their husbands. If you are serious about diverting his interests back to the home, you must step into the role of his mother and best friend. By now, you should have mastered the act of drawing him out of himself to talk about those things bothering him. Without him saying anything, you should have become a kind of authority in reading his moods and mind. Such knowledge helps when things become this bad in a relationship. It would have provided you with clues immediately it began to happen. I am sure, his moods didn’t begin at the point he stopped sharing your bed; it must have started much earlier but because you didn’t bother, the early signs escaped you. How do you now win him back? Simple, go back to the early days. What did he like about you? How did he want you to look for him? Between then and now, what has changed in your behaviour towards him? This is the time to search for the old you in the cupboard of time where you left her. Bring her up, dust her and allow her to help you win back your man. If he is having an affair, you need your old you now more than before to remind him of what is important; the reason he married you in the first place. Add your knowledge of him to your past to win him back. Borrow from your present; the food he likes best; how he likes to make love, go out of your way to read up books on exciting ways of making a man happy in the bedroom as well as lots of prayers. Send him wonderful and very romantic mails and text messages. If he is the kind that cannot do without a laptop; send him wonderful pictures of you in sexy nightgowns and the kinds of clothes he likes you in. Get the children to send their messages on how much they miss the presence of their father. At odd times, send him romantic text messages; woo him with everything you have. Send him gifts to remind him that he occupies a very special place in your heart. The nights he is at home; make it romantic and sexy. If you avoid him, you will create a big gulf in the already cracked walls of your marriage which at the end of the day will be very difficult to patch up. One thing is to say you are sorry but another thing is for you to act it. Let him, through your actions, see that whatever his reasons are for dating another woman, you are trying to make everything right and willing to do more if he gives you the chance to be close to him once again. No matter how far gone he is, by the time you back your efforts up with prayers, God will bring him back home. Good luck.