Re: Met on Facebook, had the wedding, but he’s a cripple

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,
Going through that story, I wept for the wrong values many of our young men and women are now embracing. It also brought to mind a very personal battle confronting me as a mother.
Two years ago, my eldest daughter came home with this fantastic story of meeting her old boyfriend on line. She told her father and I how wonderful the man was to her while in school; even got her siblings to back up her story.
According to her, he now stays in Germany and her indicated interest in getting married to her. Given her age, I was curious about the marital status of the man. She assured me he was still single and that fate must have kept him for her.
Although something deep within me tried to probe further, she blocked every attempt I made. My curiosity was beginning to irritate her so much so my husband had to warn me to back off. His argument was simple; its her life so if she wants to lie about what isn’t; I should allow her be.
It sounded cold but when I gave it a thought, I submitted to her wish.
She railroaded us into a quick wedding at which the boy’s brother represented him. on the two occasions she allowed me to speak with him, certain things didn’t tally. For instance, he got the school and dates of their purported time together mixed up. Again, I tried as a mother to get her to open up to me, even promising not to confide in her father, still she insisted they had been secondary school lovers.
She left a week after the wedding. I didn’t know what I was expecting or how fast it would happen but barely 24 hours after she left, she called to say she wanted to come back home; that the man she married wasn’t what he claimed he was.
According to her, he was on a wheel chair and that one of his legs was actually amputated. When I asked if the man wasn’t the same person she had known all her life, went to school with, it was then she told she had lied about everything.
That she knew, I won’t allow her marry him if I knew they met three weeks before on the internet. She said, the money he sent her, gifts items and a car he bought her which she sold without telling anybody are the reasons she wanted to marry him at all cost.
Her father who was listening to my side of the conversation, took the phone from me, warned not to contemplate coming back to his house that she should remain in that marriage.
There was nothing my daughter didn’t say to come back but her father and I stood our ground. Today, they have a baby boy and even though she is still not too happy about his disability, is still hopeful that we would support her desire to divorce him but she has come to appreciate his person and mind.
Kosi, you just have to do as Agatha says. Give yourself time to get to know him. At least nobody forced you into making the choice, you did out of greed like my daughter. The least you can do is to find ways of making each other happy.
Like Agatha, pointed out since he is capable of functioning as a man, is caring, what more do you want? For instance, my son-in-law is very caring, taking good care of us; at least, my daughter got her wish of a financially stable man even if she isnt enjoying the marriage as she hoped to.
It is a pity what you young girls play up these days or what you think marriage is all about. Kosi, invest all you have as a woman to make the best of the situation you have created for yourself.
Mrs. Apoyi.