She caught me with my live-in lover…

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,
I have this lady I am very much in love with but we have an issue following an incident that happened in the compound I reside.
This followed my capitulation to the sexual advances of a lady in my compound.
Although we were in the lady’s room, her noise of excitement must have filtered to my girlfriend, who returned home unexpectedly and must have gone to our room through the window of the woman.
I met her in the room when I came out of the lady’s room. She didn’t bother to fight, but told me she was leaving me because of what she witnessed.
Agatha, I want her back.
Chinedu

Dear Chinedu,
How do you expect her to feel? It is one thing to be unfaithful to your partner, but to do it right under her nose, have an affair with a lady you live in the same house with? Emotional feelings are not like taps you turn on and off anything you like. They come from the core of the heart and once bruised take a while to mend. From the very moment you allowed yourself to be seduced by this other woman, you put your relationship with this other woman at risk. You didn’t act right at all, because what you did has other implications attached to it.
She is feeling bad, because your action didn’t respect her or give regard to the relationship between the two of you.
It isn’t just a matter of you wanting her, but that of you knowing how she feels about what you did to her. You also have to tackle the issue of your interest in this other woman as well as the complication that often arises from such an unplanned sexual relationship.
If you expect this other woman to sweep whatever it is you two did that afternoon under the carpet, then you may have to think again. There is no way, she will allow things remain the way things were between the two of you on one hand again. Even if your regular girlfriend didn’t walk in on both of you that afternoon, she still would have known through the other woman at the end of the day. She would have acted what both of you did in the presence of your girlfriend to let her see that she now has a rival in her person.
Therefore your woman needs more than your assurances. She needs evidence that you can be trusted to behave. Nothing demoralises a woman as knowing that she cannot trust her man where women are concerned. She needs to be assured that, you will not continue to disgrace as well as disrespect her feelings for you.
The fact that you didn’t think anything of sleeping with another woman in the same house she is known as your girlfriend to conduct you affairs as lovers underscores to a very large extent the kind of value you place on the relationship.
This is what you have to define to yourself and her before you can even begin the discussion of her coming back to you.
What do you feel for her in view of your willingness to be involved with your fellow tenant? How do you expect her to feel comfortable in that same house when she comes visiting? And how can you convince her or anyone for that matter that that would be your first time and that she also demanded for it? One thing is to ask for her to come back, but another is the level of pains you have inflicted on not just her but on the relationship as well.
The fact that she refused to fight you or create a scene when she practically walked in on your little romance with the other lady shows a woman who is not only well breed, but conscious of her own place in history. Such women are the hardest to appease. To make sure she listens to you, first and foremost, ensure you have other plans to confront the many demands she would make. For instance, you may have to change houses if you want anything meaningful or plan a future with her.
This means sitting down and examining what your feelings are for her. If they are well grounded for her, make the important sacrifice of protecting the relationship by making efforts to secure another accommodation. Even if you don’t have the money now, the fact that you are making the effort to find another place will assure her that you are indeed sorry for what happened.
In going to her, ensure you are very sober. Don’t try to defend yourself or pass the blame to the woman. As an adult, learn to take responsibility for your action. A woman can indicate interest in a man just as he has the right to decline.
Plead with her for understanding on the matter. She may not readily agree to coming back to you at first, but over time, she will listen to you provided your relationship had the kind of foundation to absorb this kind of shock.
If she is proving very difficult, send mutual friends to plead on your behalf.
Good luck.