Re: Too cunning to be taken serious

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,
May God bless you and your family, Amen. After going through your reply to my mail on the subject, “Too cunning to be taken serious;” I went to her school to see her. I demanded to know her fears towards the relationship and me.
She said she loves me but is scared to give me her heart, because she feels that after my NYSC (National Youths Service Corps) programme at the end of this month, I will leave her. She is afraid of distant relationship and she cannot spend 14 hours on the road to Lagos to visit me. I told her of my plans towards her. She said once I leave Jos that I would forget her. This is in addition to not trusting me. She promised to come to my house so that we can talk more about that. Agatha, I don’t want to lose this girl. How can I convince her to trust me? How can I make this relationship work despite the distance?
Worried Lover.


Dear Worried Lover,
Every relationship needs trust to survive the rigours of day-to-day living.
She has to learn to trust you as well as the love you both share. There is no situation that cannot be defeated by faith.
But you have to find out what her real fears are and what brought them. Ask her some few questions about her past; her current mood may be locked in her past experiences or those associated with people close to her.
These kinds of feelings just don’t happen. By tackling it from the root, you free her from the claws of such fears. Thus giving her the freedom to trust in your person.
It could also come from your own conduct as a man. Since meeting her, what have you done to fuel her confidence in your person as well as your words?
Importantly what does your action towards her say of your kind of person?
More than any other time, this is the time to rely on your friendship to make the difference. Unfortunately if your relationship has been more of sex than friendship, it might be difficult to make her change her mind, in which case, the relationship should be left to luck. But if both of you have spent this last year trying to be friends, getting to establish the kind of mutual respect and responsibility that every relationship requires from time to time, she won’t mind making the sacrifices of coming to see you.
However, it shouldn’t be her responsibility alone. You must as a matter of fact, make it a point of duty to make the first visit. You are the man, the one leaving her behind. Frankly, your visit is the only thing that can begin to built the trust, give her both hope and assurance that you really care.
Asking her to come isn’t right. You must first demonstrate your need of her in your life before she can take the step of coming to visit you. No woman wants to be regarded as being cheap, which is precisely what she would be if she makes that vital journey first.
In addition, don’t make promises that you cannot honour at all. Try as much as possible to carry her along in whatever you do; including those things you consider unimportant.
Granted, that there are no guarantees when it comes to love and relationship, but being truthful goes a long way in making the difference.
Good luck.