How do I meet Mr. Right?

With Agatha Edo Email:,womaneditor@independentngonline.com,gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626

Dear Agatha,
Please help me because I am very confused. I would be 25 years of age next year.
Why are men initially blind and very cruel to very good women only for them to come back to beg these women after they have hurt them beyond measure? And how come the very bad girls seem to have all the luck from beginning to the end?
I ask because much as I try to be good, being faithful, respectful and responsible, I still get hurt by men. Even though they come back to beg after, it still doesn’t stop the pains.
Agatha, are there still good men; ones that can be trusted? How do I get to meet one of them?
How do I know a man is going to be good to me? That he desires me for the purpose of sleeping with me or having something serious with me? Please educate me because I don’t want to be hurt again.
Blessing.

Dear Blessing,
Love is a very complex thing. It has no crystal answers. Only God can tell why we fall in love with a particular person and end up being friends with another kind of person.
The problem and confusion enveloping relationships today come from massive misconception of what we feel or what love means.
Often than not a lot of us mistake the wrong kind of feelings for the real thing.
Women are most prone to making this mistake. When a man does as much as smile or shows the slightest interest, the tendency is for a woman to begin to dream of wedding bells and gowns. This is the point where many women derail, and begin to mistake fake for the real things.
Because the man from the beginning never set out to have a serious relationship with her, not to talk of marrying her, he capitalises on her desires to take what she has to offer before moving on to the woman he has desires for.
To have a meaningful relationship, a man must first have the desire to have the woman in his life. If a man doesn’t first make up his mind to have a woman in his, no matter how good the woman is, beautiful or responsible; she would eventually be dumped for another by the man because he lacks the desire to have her in his life.
So the first thing is for the man to love a woman for herself. When a man is truly in love with a woman, he would accommodate anything from her. The first sign of a man’s seriousness is his attitude to the woman. This attitude ignores all the big minuses in her and goes ahead to defend her.
You would know a man who loves you if he doesn’t ask you for sex, wants to be your friend, gives his unconditional attention as well as being constantly on the lookout for your interest. This man is careful not to hurt you, allows you to air your opinion on an issue, tells you everything about him, shows you respect, gives you a chance to explain even when all evidences point to the contrary, is supportive, tolerant, loyal to you.
All these you won’t discover in a day but would as time unfolds.
The first thing is to observe is his willingness from the onset to treat you with respect. If the first thing a man wants from you is sex, then be warned that he is not interested in having you for keeps. Also be wary of any man who from the early days of your meeting begins to talk about marriage. Most men are wise on the knowledge that most women go potty and give off themselves unconditionally when a man promises marriage.
Men employ this trick on women they suspect are desperate to tie the knot.
To ensure you don’t fall victim of this smart move by some men to get a woman on her back, don’t be won over by such promises. Any man who is serious about marrying you would wait for the right time before attempting anything.
When it comes to the issue of marriage, men are usually more thorough and reserved because they know the implication of the wrong woman sharing their homes and lives. Whereas women get carried away by materialism and idealism, men pause to take a detailed look at other factors, so won’t hurry into marriage.
Again, given the fact that a lot of women are impatient to marry, they mistake this caution for unwillingness and reluctance on the part of the man to marry her.
Where there is true love, no matter what happens, the man and the woman must be able to express their feelings and take a beneficial decision.
Love isn’t a feeling of excitement but that of learning to accommodate the deficiencies of the person one is in love with. There is no way a man who loves you would refuse to help you become a better person.
You can only learn to find true love if you recognise that love is a thorough process of loving yourself in another person. You recognise true love when you know that the other person in addition to the good sides has part of your mistakes, bad sides, deficiencies.
As for good girls falling into the wrong hands, it is the way of life. On the surface it appears as if the bad ones seem to be having all the luck while the good ones seem to be suffering all the bad luck.
But, in the end, God always compensate those who learn to trust in Him without conditions.
Most times those who think they are good, sit in judgment over the affairs of others, using their purported goodness as benchmark. What you think are your virtues may really be your doom. That person you think you are better than may inwardly have better qualities than you. If we all learn to respect our limits in life as well as open ourselves up for knowledge, things would work better for us.
Condemnation and labelling won’t help you improve on your person. Get close to those people you think are bad. What are they doing differently from you? How come things work better for them when despite your righteousness you are not able to achieve?
The secret is to be fair minded because no man is an island of knowledge or repository of the right values. We must learn to give to get.
Love would come to you at the right time but you have to prepare to recognise it when it comes. This you must do by first appreciating that you are imperfect as well as develop a dream of your own.
Also learn to tap into God’s plans for you through prayers by refusing to act desperately and allowing God chart your path in life.
Good luck.