Dear Agatha,
I really appreciate what you are doing. I have a problem with the lady I am dating whom I love so much and I have promised to marry. I have gone as far as meeting her parents in the North where they reside though they are from the Eastern part of the country. The problem is that she is far from me and from my investigations and evidences is unfaithful to me.
I have reports of her dealings with the young Alhajis and even copies of disturbing text messages sent her. What do you advise me to do?
Worried Man.
Dear Worried Man,
What kind of advice do you want me to give you when you have all the evidences that she is unfaithful to you? The choice of what works for you is yours to make. It depends on how desperate you are to have her in your life.
Because this is an issue that would forever shadow your relationship with her, you must adopt a very realistic approach to it. The major questions you should ask yourself are: would you be able to cope with the knowledge of her infidelity to you? Would you have the much needed trust for her, and if you do marry her eventually, would you deep down ever wholly accept the children of the union as yours?
The legitimacy of the children of your union with her is an issue you must address from now so that you will not later maltreat the children. This is why you should consider this issue seriously since it would eventually be beyond what you feel for her to what is real. One thing is to live with an unfaithful wife, another is to live with children you are confident are yours.
The wise thing for you to do now is to confront her with all the evidences you have including the text messages you obviously transferred from her phone to yours. Hear her out. Give her the benefit of doubt to explain and defend herself against the evidences you have gathered against her.
In deciding on the way forward for both of you, there is also the need for you to take special consideration of the reasons for her actions. Has it to do with distance? If yes, do you consider it a good enough reasons considering the fact that somewhere in your marital life; you may have to live separately for a while due to transfer from the office, business trips or in the search for better economic empowerment. What would happen when you are not around her? Would she be able to cope with the distance factor? Would she have the discipline to abstain from sex during the time you would be away?
You must consider the long-term implication of her reasons. The important thing here is to be truthful to yourself and ideals. Whatever decision you make, ensure it is the kind that would stand the test of time, one you will not look back on with regrets and tears; one which the future will be kind on you. Life is in phases, each with its colours and codes. Sometimes what we think is unbearable in one season, could in another season be tenable. The only constant feature of all these seasons we pass through in life is the spirit of truth. Ensure you have plenty of it to avoid pains and disappointment later in life.
Good luck.
He’s a carefree guy…
Dear Agatha,
I have a boyfriend that seems carefree to me but I love him all the same. However, I am tired of his habit. What should I do to retain him?Nafisat.
Dear Nasfisat,
If you are tired of his habits, initiate a dialogue with him. Let him know that despite the love you have for him, you are getting to your breaking point and that you could snap at any moment from the frustration you feel at his habits. He may not know the extent of your irritations with him or how severely these habits of his affect people around him, especially you. There is nothing constructive dialogue cannot achieve. All you need is to be absolutely truthful about your feelings including your fear of walking out on the relationship if he doesn’t change. In doing this, you must also be humble enough to subject yourself to examination, because there is no perfect person in life. Like him, you must be prepared to face the truth about yourself. It is the only way both of you can move your relationship forward.
Relationship isn’t just about romance; it is also about helping the other person to become better in terms of behaviour and relationship with the larger society.
As long as you handle it with maturity, refusing to play the saint, you won’t lose him to his habits.
Good luck.
Need Yoruba girl for serious date
Dear Agatha,
I am an ardent reader of your column. God will continue to enrich you with wisdom. I am a decent male, aged 29, and a graduate from Anambra State. Please I am interested in a Yoruba lady, responsible and hardworking. My dream is to have such a woman for a wife. She should be aged 23-25 years of age and must be a graduate for a relationship. An interested lady should contact me through this number 07030935778.
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