Is my baby sexually abused?

Dear Agatha,

Please I am confused with this issue; my baby boy is eight months old.

Recently he has developed a habit which my husband and I have noticed. He makes this movement as if he is having sex. When we lie him down on our chest he will be pressing his private part on the body of the person carrying him although he wears pampers often.

My question is, could it be that someone is molesting my baby? He started this about two months ago when my husband traveled to bring his 21 year old sister to help me with the baby; especially with bringing him from the day care centre as I work from Monday-Friday and come back at about 7.p.m.

I noticed she is not reliable at all; she lies as if it is a necessity she cannot do without. She acts a child, refusing to accept the fact that she is a young adult.

There was a day my baby was pulling at her cloths, crying and demanding she should breastfeed him. I was shocked at the development and demanded to know if she breast feeds him when I am not at home. She answered in the negative. I also observed that after that day, my baby didn’t behave that way with her again.

I don’t know how to ask her about this new development to avoid hurting her incase she is innocent. When my husband noticed this issue he cried and prayed against it and I also prayed about it.

And I am sure it is not from his crèche because the owner is a Christian who has an all female staff and they all stay together. He only stays alone with my sister in-law.

Should I ask her? I am confused.

Baby’s Mom.

Dear Baby’s Mon,

Doubtless this baby is being abused sexually by a close adult you given authority of your child to.

At eight months this baby though totally helpless and innocent, however has all his vitals functional. Like adults, he finds the same measure of satisfaction from whatever the person is doing to him hence wants more of it. This explains why his mind is stimulated towards sex whenever he is on the chest of someone.

Whosoever is abusing him, adopts that position so each time your baby is placed in that position, his brain immediately picks up the excitement he gets from that posture hence his involuntary movement to get the calm and fulfillment he gets from being in that position.

When it comes to child abuse you cannot afford to be too careful , trusting or cautious.

At eight months, your baby must not be left in the hands of those who will destroy him for life. The fact that he makes that movement each  time he is placed on the chest means, the violation is becoming indelible in his nascent memory. Unfortunately, the act of feeding and sex are etched in our memory from the time we are born; we are born with the inherent knowledge which is why nobody points the direction of the mother’s breast to a new born baby or teach a young child about the act of sex itself.

But nature shrouds the knowledge of sex to the age of puberty, to allow for the child to concentrate on the knowledge of other fundamental issues needed to equip the child for wholesome development in life. This is because Mother Nature is aware of the potency of sex; its power to obliterate the young mind who isn’t strong willed enough to resist its pull. This is why it locks the knowledge in time, to enable the young human or even animal for that matter, grow physically as well as emotionally for the consequences and responsibilities that go hand in hand with sex.

Therefore, to expose your baby to the conditions he currently is in; is to condemn him to a lifetime of sex slavery because childhood habits are the hardest to give up or destroy, which is why educationists warn parents to be mindful of what they say or do in the presence of a child. At this age, the soft ware side of your baby’s memory bank is still empty. If at eight months, sex and its technique are already taking up mega space, by the time the child is about two and a half year old, you don’t need anyone to tell you the kinds of things he would be doing.

First and foremost, you have to decide what is most important to you now; your job or the viability of your child to you, the family and nation. From all that you have said, this child needs urgent help.

The first help would be to withdraw him from all your child minders; the crèche and your sister-in-law. The fact that the crèche is owned by a Christian doesn’t mean he cannot be abused there neither can you rule out the possibility of your sister-in-law being the suspect here. What some of us profess to isn’t the picture of the person we really are. Some of us who parade ourselves as saints are indeed lions in sheep skin.

The issue is between your home and the crèche so take a vacation to unlock where it is coming from. Be around the baby as much as possible to immediately cut off the supply and stimulation of his erotic desires.

Also you must find ways of making him disconnect that position from sex. Being his mother, you can correct this impression by putting him firmly on your chest and gently tapping his bum whenever he makes such erotic movements. You will also need the help of his father to do this effectively. Between you two, sing him nursery rhymes, your favourite gospel songs to help him forget whatever has been done to him.

By so doing, you help redirect his mind to a neutral love gear and how he can relax naturally. The gentle tap on its bum is to let him know that, what he wants isn’t good for him. Like I said earlier the day old baby is already equipped with all the vitals needed in life to get by in life. Some might argue that such taps violate the child’s right and another form of abuse but, at that age, the tap is to instill in the child the values of good and bad.

If you cannot resign immediately; please look for a daycare very close to your office so that you can keep an eye on him. Having him close to you would enable you go in to see him unannounced; it  will also solve the problem of leaving him with your sister-in-law unsupervised.

There is no reason you shouldn’t confront your sister-in-law with the information you have. If she is the one abusing the child, knowing that you are aware of the abuse will bring some fears into her. But that doesn’t mean you should continue to leave the baby with her.

Honestly, at the end of the day, if you don’t take a fast decision, you will have only yourself to blame. The irony of life is, while a man can begin again, the woman, can’t so; you should not treat this issue with kid gloves or bring in the sentiment of protecting your career at the detriment of your child.

If there is a time, this child needs your protection and assurance as his mother, it is now. Don’t neglect to do what you must do because child abuses are being done by those closest to the innocent children. It is better she is offended and you apologise than for your son to be damaged for life.

Frankly, this isn’t time for prayers but for actions. Prayers come in to help the child mend not to prevent the abuse from going on. What you and your husband need do now is take very urgent action and face the truth.

The outcome maybe unpalatable and very uncomfortable for you in terms of taking the child to and fro the crèche near your office but you would at the end of the day be protecting the hapless child from harm which is what parenting is all about.

A sacrifice has to be made by you and your husband for this child. You are debating the rightness of taking an action because he is a boy; if he were a girl, you won’t be debating whether to confront anybody or not; you would have since taken the needed step to protect your child from further abuse.

Good luck.

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