Won’t I be coming between mother and son?

Dear Agatha, 

I need your help. There is this man I have been dating for five months now. We are both in love with each other and he loves the things of God which is why I love him.

We are praying and planning to spend the rest of our lives together but the problem is, he dreamt two months ago that while he was introducing me to his mother, she rejected me but he didn’t tell me. 

Strangely, the mother oblivious of my presence in his life called her son to narrate a dream she had. It was similar to the one my boyfriend had. 

I’m confused. Should I quit the relationship to allow for peace between mother and son?

Precious.

Dear Precious,

The dream didn’t say, both of you cannot marry but only a warning that you may not enjoy the approval and support of your would be mother-in-law.

There is an adage that says, to be forewarned is to be forearmed against a situation. It means you should not feel bad or disappointment when she eschews your attempts at being friendly with her.

Sincerely, there is nothing strange in this dream. Most wives don’t enjoy the love and friendship of their mothers-in-law so ending the relationship on account of this dream is totally out of the question unless there is something other than the dreams you have just narrated. If most women were to base their decisions to marry their husbands on the reception given them by their mothers-in-law the first time their husbands brought them home, many women won’t be married today.

Chances are even the woman you want to run away from may not have married the father of your boyfriend, if she had factored the attitude of her mother-in-law into her decision to spend the rest of her life with her husband.

The hostility between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law didn’t start today. It goes way back hence wont stop with you ending this relationship. If women before you found a way round it, you will also find a way round yours provided your husband has the wisdom and maturity to handle his mother as well as the will to protect you from her.

If for nothing, consider the dream as a special grace from God, one that will help your husband to be from this early moment to be prepared for the challenges ahead.

As a matter of fact, he has the greater role to play in this matter. He has to know how to balance his role as son and husband respectively to both of you.

In most cases fundamental issues arise from the inability of the man to provide a protective shield for his wife against the tyranny of his mother. Sincerely this should be more of your concern that terminating the relationship if indeed you love and respect this man.

The dream came about because both of you have been praying and trusting God with your relationship and future. What God has done through the dream is to point you at the challenge you would have in the marriage. It isn’t just about her not supporting the union but also of her being the foundation of all the problems you are going to have in the marriage.

Therefore, you have to begin to pray the trouble out of your life and marriage. You and your boyfriend must also talk as frankly as possible about the challenges ahead. This is the time for you to dig deeper into his kind of person; to know if he is a mummy’s boy in which case you indeed have a reason to rethink your relationship with him or a man who has the kind of stamina to put his mother in her place.

There is no relationship without its challenges. As long as you and your man are united in this, you will win the battle as long as you refrain from being rude to her.

As one aspiring to be a mother-in-law one day, you must always show her deserving respect no matter how rude she becomes. There is no battle, love, patience and perseverance cannot subdue.

It will also do you a world of good to use your anticipated experience to prepare yourself on how to be a nice mother to your future daughter-in-law.

Every experience we go through in life is a lesson and teaching aid for those coming behind or others going through similar challenges. As a Christian, what I expected you to do is ask God for help on how to navigate your way through the landmine He showed your boyfriend without getting hurt.

In addition ending the relationship would make him regret telling you about it. Some men would keep such matters close to their hearts. Opening up to you is his way of preparing your mind for the journey ahead.

Besides, if you want to end the relationship on account of these dreams, you should at least first discuss it with him with a view of knowing how his mind is distilling and processing the information. In addition to asking for help from above, discussing with your boyfriend will also assist you with an insight into the workings of his mind regarding the issue.

Sincerely, if you are not satisfied with the situation after your discussions with him, you reserve the right to end the relationship but it shouldn’t be before you talk to him. That would be condemning him without giving him the right to defend himself from the verdict of guilt you have unfairly passed on him on account of the dream concerning the mother.

Also, you have to examine why you might have problems with her. Are you really the person you claim to be? Can a mother trust you with her son in terms of managing him to be accessible to members of his family who may want one or two favours from him? Also making him available to her to have a mother and son relationship without causing a quake in the home? The dream could very well be a warning to him that you might not make him a good wife hence his mother’s disapproval.

So if you are going to tackle this matter effectively, it requires a holistic approach because at times, we really don’t know what we are capable of doing until we are in situation.

Being religious isn’t the same thing as being obedient to the ways of God.

Honestly seek the face of God in this matter with your boyfriend to prevent future regrets or mistakes you don’t even know you are making.

One thing I know is this, if both of you are meant to be together, it will work no matter the seeming obstacle.

Good luck.

I want a real woman to love me

Dear Agatha,

I really need a woman of my own. I have been trying my best to find my own woman all for a long time but I can’t find any. I have a lot of hookup program but it is all the same. 

Could you please link me with a woman or any hookup program that you know that I can find a real woman?

 Please help me with this and I shall be very grateful.

Lonely Man.

Dear Lonely Man,

What do you mean by real woman? What makes the women you have been meeting unreal? What makes a woman real to you?

From what you have said, your problem isn’t a lack of opportunity to meet with women but that of choice.

To be honest, no woman would ever be able to please you until you answer the basic question of what kind of woman is good for you.

She might just be the girl next door or one out of the many women you have met already.

Many a time, we miss the point by setting goals far beyond our reach or focusing on mundane issues we should never have played up in the first place.

Take a retreat from all these programs and ask yourself what it takes to make you happy.

Your ideal woman is one, who irrespective of how she looks on the outside can reach deep into your soul to make you relax and smile at things you would ordinarily take exceptions to.

Once you are able to refocus on what is most important to you in life, your days of searching will be over.

Good luck.