How do I tell my mother I’m pregnant?

Dear Agatha,

Please help me out. I’m 22 years old and a 100 level student. My mother never trusted me from childhood. She never stopped warning me against pregnancy; am not wayward. I have this guy I have been dating for six years whom I love very much and who in turn loves me too. 

But we are not always together since we live in different towns. We have been on strike since July; this created time for us to be together and now I’m pregnant. he isn’t denying responsibility for the pregnancy and has promised to take care of us and to marry me.

My problem now is how to break the news to my mother at this stage of my life. 

But I don’t want this pregnancy to affect my education because I have just started.  

Although I don’t want to abort because I’ve never done it in my life, I am considering it now as an option. But I want to seek your help before I take the final decision. 

Becky.

Dear Becky,

Painfully, you have justified your mother’s fears and anxieties by getting pregnant at this crucial time of your life.

Most times what an adult sees sitting down, a child never gets to see even on the heighest peak of a mountain. You must have exhibited certain traits back in your youth to make her apprehensive about your conduct. It has nothing to do with moral laxity at times but in the way you ignore meaningful advice or through an act of persistence stubbornness or carelessness.

You got pregnant because you were careless. If it was difficult for you and your boyfriend to stay away from each other, common sense should have told you to use a protection. For a young girl who is at the crucial stage of her life, who has plans for the future, you took too much for granted when you decided to make love with your boyfriend without protecting yourself against pregnancy.

Since you are already pregnant there is nothing you can do but to accept the inevitable. Thank goodness, your boyfriend isn’t denying you which is really commendable and makes the issue less complicating to handle.

Good too you are in the university which means, if you have the strength, you can combine baby making with having a good education. There is no reason, for you to stop going to school as long as you can cope. The university isn’t a secondary school where you get kicked out for getting pregnant.

If you can endure the snide remarks of your friends and mates for the length of the time the pregnancy is visible, you have nothing to be overtly worried about.

Don’t even contemplate abortion. Anything from death to damaging or losing your womb can happen. Besides, this child maybe your only one so if you abort it, you may never be able to get pregnant again or have a child.

These are inexplicable things, only God Himself understands so; don’t play God with your life or that of that innocent child who by the way has as much right to live as you do.

Resist doing something that you will later regret in life. The very people you are trying to please today are the same people who will turn round in later years to blame you for not keeping the pregnancy if any consequence develops from your decision to abort this baby.

Having made up his mind to marry you, your boyfriend should start from his family by informing them of the pending child. They in turn will accompany him to see your mother. At that level, they would know what to do to and say to pacify her.

Even though it would not entirely erase her disappointment, it would however cut it by half.

But beyond your mother and fear of what she would say, do you love your boyfriend enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him? Are you going with his plans because you are pregnant or that you really love him enough to give him your entire life?

The greatest mistake a woman or man can ever make in life is to be forced into a marriage by circumstances such as you are in now into a marriage you didn’t bargain for. It would be easier to manage life with a child outside wedlock than to go into an ill-prepared for marriage.

A bad marriage can bury bright dreams except God steps in with His grace.

I say this, to help you take the right decision on the issue of marriage. It is commendable for him to think of that option but is it what you really want considering you already have an unplanned baby on the way.

Go into this marriage only if you are sure both of you won’t regret the hurried decision in later years. It is best to struggle with a little child now than live through a really bad marriage.

Good luck